Riot and Frolic

What to Expect on a Virtual Lessons

March 21, 2020

Clearly, virtual/online/remote/video lessons are a popular form of dance education right now.

Obviously, these lessons can’t run like your usual trips to the studio*, so here’s some dos and don’ts for this digital era:

DO pick a specific topic

Now is not the time to say, “Let’s do Cha Cha. The end.”

Now is the time to say, “Can we work on forward locks in Cha Cha?”

There HAS to be a figure or two that has bothered you or that you feel like an idiot doing. Now is your time to address them.

Since partnering through connection isn’t really an option to work on through virtual lessons, most of the instruction will be about your own body mechanics working properly, so having a small bit of dancing to work on (I’m thinking at most four counts here) as opposed to [that entire dance] will make the most use of your time.

Also, your space (and most likely your teacher’s) is probably limited, so picking something that will keep your whole body on camera, like very specific movements, will help with “floorcraft”.

Promenade links, any basic figure, twinkles in Smooth, arm styling, how to turn, heel turns, etc, are all good topics that keep space to a minimum and fulfillment to a maximum.

DO expect a lot of repetition

This is your time to dig into particular movements and learn a lot of proprioception (perception or awareness of the position and movement of the body, relative to ones self and through space).

Expect your instructor to give you the foundational movements, and then add a layer of improvement, and then another, and then another… and then another.

Remember getting your senior pictures taken? How the photographer would say, “Sit there,” which was easy.

And then they’d say, “Turn your head to the left.” Okay.

And then, “Turn your chin to the right… No, just your chin… And don’t squint… And smile… But not like that…”

It’ll be like that.

Often, teachers can move on after 2-3 tries of a movement in actual classes and lessons because there are other fish to fry.

But in virtual lessons, there’s nowhere to hide your bad technique. MWAHAHAHAHA. And that’s why you’re here, right? JUST SAY YES.

DO have enough space

It doesn’t have to be a lot. Eight square feet strikes me as delightful.

You’re probably doing your lesson over your phone or laptop, so #1 you need to be sure your whole person can be seen the majority of the time. Hands, feet, or heads disappearing off camera are not helpful.

(If you’re really short on space, you could do a footwork lesson and just put your screen on the ground [keeping your calves down on the screen] and have your instructor build up your foot articulation.)

DO have a couple things handy.

While you can probably see yourself on your screen, having a mirror nearby for a second (and bigger and possibly clearer) view of your actions is helpful.

A theraband (one of those stretchy loops used in rehab), a couple light hand weights (or cans or bottles), and a long dowel (or broomstick or the like) are all excellent solo practice props. (Your teacher will most likely tell you if you need these, but even if they don’t and you look even a little bit, you can find some extra credit exercises on the interwebs to do with them.)

DON’T feel stupid.

You’re in your own home. Nobody’s around. Your instructor is cool and probably in the most casual wear you’ll ever seen them in.

Close your curtains and settle in for some self-improvement. Practice that arm styling with gusto, fall over, maybe swear a little, maybe even have a drink nearby, but embrace your solo time to test your limits.

DON’T expect to learn “moves”.

Sure, there are some magical people that can teach advanced figures over video, but it’s definitely one of the tricker parts of online lessons, especially for those truly going solo (and not with a similarly-confined and inclined housemate to practice with).

Learning the basic movements for any dance is a pretty legit request (and often what you’re using to practice technique anyways). But learning a new 10 measure amalgamation is unlikely.

Want to improve your Waltz? Ask for a lesson on how to improve your dance frame. (Surprisingly, there are MANY ways to improve your partnering that don’t involve a partner.)

Want to improve your Salsa? Ask for a lesson on keeping balance while turning.

Social leads can get help from online lessons by “leading” their imaginary partner through their repertoire and having their instructor clarify when they’ve dislocated their imaginary partner’s shoulders (as well as fixing any timing issues).

If you don’t want to do a Zoom/FaceTime/Skype/whatever lesson, having your fav teacher do a video review of your most recent comp or performance is a great option (they could either give you written or audio feedback in return).

DON’T miss the opportunity.

Your instructors (hell, any instructors) will be so pleased that you want to learn when physical lessons might not be possible. It is a fun and weird learning curve for the professional community (both in what-the-hell platform to use and how the hell to teach people from their living rooms), but we’re up for it. It’s also a great time to get a different kind of feedback and learn some dance self-sufficiency and resilience!

I hope you’re all staying safe, healthy, and sane in these times. Again, if you’re looking for some exercises you can do at home, there are AWESOME ones all over Facebook and Instagram right now. Of course, you can look for me over on Instagram (@riotandfrolic) for my daily “toothbrush exercises” (little exercises you can do while brushing your teeth), which are starting REALLY EASY, and will get progressively more difficult (and thorough) through the weeks.

* Most of this can be applied to solo practice at home as well.
Expectations of a Student

March 18, 2020

A couple weeks back, I wrote about the expectations students should have for their teachers. Well, now look how the tables have turned!

Here's the expectations for students (complete with bonus, interactive material at the end!):

Be on time.

Nay, be early, so you can have your shoes on and be ready to go when your lesson time starts. Extra points for a pre-lesson warm-up, whether it be a stretch or a little technique practice or mental review of the last lesson. BONUS points for having questions that you have come across by:

– going to group class

– having done some practice outside your lesson.

Try.

One of my students hates the word “try” and I get it. The idea of “making an effort to do something” underestimates one’s ability to JUST DO IT. You might feel stupid and you might not be fully aware of what you’re actually doing or you might think you’re doing it wrong, but DO the thing your instructor is telling you to do (your instructor is there to fix whatever might go wrong anyways).

Be respectful of your instructor’s time.

Don’t late-cancel or no-show because “you forgot”. Please save last-minute cancellations for emergencies. If you suspect something might come up (your babysitter cancelled and you can’t find a replacement, you’re having a hell-ish day at work, the world is ending), give the studio a call and voice your concerns sooner than later. The possibility of your rescheduling is much more appealing than your instructor twiddling their thumbs expecting you to show up and then… not.

Get off your phone. I’ve taught several classes where people actively had their phones out. I have 6 kids at home that any minute might do something emergency room-worthy and I still have my phone on Do Not Disturb while teaching. You can wait 45 minutes to text or post or whatever, or you should probably not be in class in the first place.

Ask for permission BEFORE THE LESSON STARTS to video any material covered, so your instructor can plan ahead to leave a few minutes to make a decent video at the end. (AKA, do not ask after the class has ended and the instructor needs to move on to the next class/lesson. You are essentially asking to make the instructor late for their remaining lessons of the day, or stealing time from the next lesson or class. Ew.)

Trust the instructor of your choice.

Depending on how you started, you might have ended up with your instructor by pure chance. Many times that turns out GREAT. But if you don’t trust your instructor, don’t take lessons from that instructor.

Whether it’s your lack of shared communication style, their philosophy of dancing/teaching, or the speed of your progression that gives you the emotional side eye about them, find a different instructor. The majority of instructors understand when students are not a good fit and WILL NOT take it personally. Ask around and try some different instructors until you find one that fits.

Let your instructor evaluate your proficiency and tell you which classes to take.

Don’t go to classes that are over your proficiency level unless recommended by your teacher. (You’ll get frustrated, or they’ll get frustrated because you’ll have “learned” some material that is off your learning curve and if you’re trying to apply it before mastering some other fundamentals, you could make things harder on yourself [and your teacher], or the other students in class will get frustrated because you’re slowing down the class or making it hard for them to practice their part correctly. STOP IT.)

Let them tell you when you’re ready for things (performances, competitions, etc.)

WE WOULDN’T WANT YOU TO DO IT IF YOU’RE NOT READY. My first coach used to have a saying : Do not bring shame on the house of Nathan. As much as I tried to heed his warning (there was a $10 fine for bad feet or looking down in photos!), he also didn’t give me the opportunity to screw it up. Most pros don’t want you to do a public exhibition if you’re going to be anything less than an advertisement for their awesome teaching.

Take care of yourself

While dancing is fun, dancing can also supply a social outlet, a workout, a weight loss program, a physical challenge, a mental challenge, meditation, self-confidence, and beauty. We want you to experience these things as much as possible and to do that, you have to stay healthy. Eating well, sleeping enough, drinking water, and practicing good personal hygiene habits will help you stay on the dance floor as much as possible. (If you’re not familiar with the CDC guidelines for hand-washing at this point, here’s another link: https://www.cdc.gov/handwashing/when-how-handwashing.html#:~:text=Wet%20your%20hands%20with%20clean,for%20at%20least%2020%20seconds.)

Practice

I put this one last, not because it’s the least important or the most important, but because students are often baffled by practicing, especially if they come in for lessons alone. I mean, we are partner dancing, and to practice without a partner often feels silly or unproductive to people, especially when they are greatly successfully people outside the dance world.

But there are many little, VERY HELPFUL things you can practice without a partner, or really without even dancing.

I like to call these exercises “toothbrush exercises” although a co-worker recently referred to them as “microwave exercises”, which I also liked, but I don’t have a microwave and BY GOD I BRUSH MY TEETH, so there. These tiny movements are things you can easily (and sometimes inconspicuously) do in small spaces for a short amount of time that have a bigger payoff than expected.

[I cannot more highly recommend the book, Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, if you want to learn about how to come about big changes by doing ridiculously small things to start with.]

I’ll be posting one of my favorite tiny/microwave/toothbrush exercises a day on my Instagram in a tiny community service effort while most dance classes are shut down. Join me over there for mini-daily practices! (Expect around a new post around noon.)

Have fun.

While there’s always some plateau to overcome or challenge to conquer in your dancing progression, mostly it should be a good time. Let your teacher know if you’ve lost your groove. Maybe you need to take a break from Rhythm technique for a week and do a West Coast Swing and Hustle intensive to get your groove back, but ballrooming has tons of options to keep you entertained and happy for years to come.

Go forth and conquer.
Dancing Out of Category

March 13, 2020
A word from my favorite podcast on dancing the allowable steps for the proficiency level you’ve entered… or not…

Insanity Jane [some dancers]: I do know the law states that ignorance of the law means it don’t apply.

Sparks [many officials]: Okay that’s exactly how it does not work.

When you dance out of category (meaning: dancing steps that are in a higher level syllabus than the one in which you are currently competing*) at a competition, there could be three things happening:
1. you don’t know what the allowable steps are in your current proficiency level
2. you are misinterpreting the language of the rules and regulations listed for the proficiency levels
3. you don’t care about dancing the appropriate steps for the level at which you are competing
* Dancing steps that are at a LOWER level syllabus than the one you are currently competing in is ALWAYS OKAY. ie, dancing Bronze steps in Silver, dancing Silver in Gold, etc. [LINK TO YOUR OWN ARTICLE]

Let’s take a look at these three circumstances, in reverse (or to the left HAHAHAHAHAHA)

3) You don’t care about dancing the appropriate steps for the level at which you are competing.

I respect that. Sort of. There are many comps that are unsanctioned by official organizations (namely, NDCA, USADance, WDC, WDSF) where it doesn’t matter which steps you are dancing because no one is concerned with the content of choreography at the event. There are many delightful regional weekend events, studio showcases, and performances where the most important aspect of the event is that dancers get to dance. Whether it’s for newbies or college kids or just some extra floor time for any level of dancer, these events are meant to be fun community builders and not about cracking down on NO NEW STEPS (if you don’t get that reference, do not pass go, do not collect $200, but do go directly to Netflix and watch the 1992 cult classic Strictly Ballroom, which is more truth than satire).

BUT if you are going to a sanctioned comp where there might be an invigilator (person who watches competitors to make sure they are dancing IN category and to merit out infractions and warnings as needed), you still don’t have to care about the appropriate steps for the level at which you are dancing, but you SHOULD take advantage of the categories where which steps you do DON’T MATTER.

If one enters an “open” category, SYLLABI BE DAMNED. You can do whatever doohickeys you want to, and judges can just deal with it. (Opinions on giving them something substantial to deal with is another topic.)

For example, in NDCA competitions, there are “Open Bronze” categories you may enter. That means you can do whatever dips, tricks, spins, and syncopations you’d like, but you’ll be judged at a Bronze level. (Mostly, is your posture all right and you’re dancing on time). Similarly, there’s an Open Silver category, where you can pivot to your heart’s desire, but are judged on a Silver level (is there some technique on those yonder hills?)

If you’re going the amateur route, USADance has the Novice category, which one can throw themselves into no matter the experience or dance training. Again, you can dance whatever you’d like, but you’re judged against the other dancers on the floor, who may or may not be doing some syllabus work and/or some made up “yeAH ba duh ba ba BA” moves.

If you DO chose to enter a syllabus event (Bronze, Silver, OR Gold) and you don’t care about which steps you’re dancing, you should also be aware that you can get DQ’ed or marked last (and as the pro in a pro-am situation, you are likely to piss off your client). PLEASE SKIP THIS OPTION.

2) you are misinterpreting the language of the rules and regulations listed for the proficiency levels.

THIS seems like a big part of the problem when I’ve actually talked to people about “dancing in category”.

Unfortunately for many amateurs, reading the rules and regulations without a whole lot of knowledge and experience and prior contact with previous iterations of said rules and regulations will lead to some incorrect conclusions about what many of the different terms mean.

I recently had to explain that “side by side work isn't allowed in Bronze" does not refer to sliding doors (or the passing basic to use the newest parlance) in American Swing where by partners are visually side-by-side with one another (although we could make this argument for MANY Bronze steps… so many that it hurt my brain that this was even a question). “Side by side work” often means partners are on the same foot (in hand hold or no hold) in either left side or right side position, doing some fancy shit. If you don’t know what what the previous sentence meant, then you probably shouldn’t be reading and interpreting the rules for yourself or others.

It is also a bummer when students learn a step that used to be “legal” yet no longer is and are CONVINCED that they are in the right because Mr./Miss So-and-so said it was acceptable.

(Note to pros: please keep up on your craft!)

Lastly, 1) you don’t know what the allowable steps are in your current proficiency level.

This is pretty legit at many levels FOR STUDENTS.

In most cases, it is not the students’ responsibility to be quite conscious of where each of their “moves” lands of the proficiency spectrum. Ideally, they are learning at a reasonable rate from a qualified instructor who is teaching from the foundation and methodically working upwards through the technical and applicable aspects of dance. When competitions arise, that teacher would advise their students which levels they could compete in based on the content and technical abilities at that time, or time in the near future.

BUT if you are a student who is taking classes at many different levels from many instructors and might be dancing with many different partners, and you are registering yourself for a competition without the supervision of a professional or knowledgable coach, you need to know what you’re signing up for and what’s allowed in those categories.

THAT MEANS, if you are not currently under the watchful eye of a delightful and judgmental professional, you should ask one to check out your routines/steps/moves to make sure you’re not going to get called up to the judges’ podium unawares and have to fix something on the spot that you are not capable of fixing in a moment’s notice.

Go forth and conquer. And wash your hands.
So You Want to be a Pro : Expectations

October 24, 2019
It's been a minute since I had a take on this, but I've been making this list since being a pretty hard-core amateur, part of a few amateur partnerships, a long-time teacher, and now a studio owner. That means I have a WHOLE LOT OF OPINIONS on this subject. Even more than usual. But don't worry, there's a similar post for students coming soon.

1. Be on time

Hahahahahahahahaha… GET IT?!

Because I want my teacher to be on time for my lesson, but because it's also their job to dance in rhythm with the music?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Awesome.

2. Be professional in the studio and around your students.

This goes without saying… Or does it? Honestly, search Google and you'll come up with excellent attributes of a "professional," but here are some about which I feel especially strong. (I had some very good points about it over at Dance Comp Review as far as how to behave at competitions.)
- Sex, religion, and politics. Don't. Dance is an escape from "the real world" and getting involved in conversations with students along these topics might make a great connection, but it also bears the same likelihood of separating teachers from students who don't share the same opinion. Like the famous quote from apolitical Michael Jordan (after being asked to support a highly publicized Democrat race and turning it down), "Even Republicans buy shoes." Be like Mike.
- Set boundaries. As much as professional instructors are a friendly ear and safe person to be around, teachers are there FOR THEIR STUDENTS. Instructors should not be unloading their problems and life situations on their students, even when vice versa might be true. Professionals need to learn how to steer conversations away from weird, personal, or polarizing topics BACK TO DANCING. Which would be pretty easy to do, if everyone kept dancing.
- Dress professionally. Yoga pants are practice wear. Ballroom gowns and suits are competition wear. Somewhere in between those two extremes are what pros should wear. Guys are safe with black dance pants (WHICH OH MY GOSH ARE SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN LADIES' DANCE-PANTS, BUT LET'S CONTINUE) and nice shirts (let's start with clean, then add on well-fitted, while button-down is unnecessary, it could be totally your style). Ladies, we have a lot more wiggle room, which is either frustrating or liberating. But dress pants with stretch and tops you feel comfortable in are great (personal favorite are ones with sleeves, because I don't want my sweaty armpits on my partners' arms) and ones with decent back coverage, because I don't want my partners' sweaty hands on my bare back). Groom your face and hair so it doesn't look like you just rolled out of bed to get there.
3. Know Your Shit

There's a stage when you're in the beginning of your teaching when you can plan your learning-how-to-teach curve by, "Oh crap, I need to know more than my student." But pretty quickly, you need to know a lot more than that.

And it's a lot more than "I know how to do this step" (because all the celebs on DWTS "know how to do that step"). I need you to be able to TEACH it.

Pros should have a bajillion different ways to make/say/demonstrate/manipulate basic steps, and all following figures, to make them simple. And at least one way for the people in the back. Have exercises to break it up into little tiny pieces. Have 3 different awful sports/life metaphors for it. Have some bad pun about it, so people remember it.

[Note: just because you know "the book" doesn't mean you can dance OR teach.*]

While there are many good dancers out there, being a good teacher is a different skill-set. Professionals should refine BOTH of these skills to excel.

4. Make it fun

Dancing is not always fun. There are techniques to learn, plateaus to conquer, insecurities to overcome. EVEN SO, teachers can put students' favorite practice track on repeat, make some jokes or reminisce about when they first learned The Whatever, and by god, keep dancing.

5. Know how to hold a conversation

  The art of small talk should not be overlooked. Whether in a social setting at a dance or just starting out a private lesson, a little "How was your day?" from a pro goes a long way to building rapport with students and other dancers and pros. AND WE'RE ONE BIG, HAPPY FAMILY, DAMMIT!

6. Perform well and easy

    On the chance that a teacher gets the opportunity to get paid to dance with their student at an event, it's not about the teacher on pro-am day. Make it fun and STUDENT-FOCUSED. Don't answer your phone on the comp floor or walk away from them in the middle of a heat WHICH ARE TRUE EXAMPLES not to follow. Make sure the student(s) are prepared. Warm-up or hang out with the students as needed (30 minutes to an hour before they dance, stick around for awards, have meals together are all pretty standard practices). Again, keep in mind the "being professional" and "know your shiz" rules.

7. Teach all the things

…without saying, "Here's how to ask someone to dance", students can be taught how to ask someone to dance, say no to someone asking you to dance, be welcoming to new dancers, end a dance, start a dance, apologize for a mistake during a dance (mostly stepping on someone or knocking them in the face), dip a follow in a non-scary way, be dipped, get awards at a competitions, accept a scholarship during a competition, what all the crazy competition language means, and MORE. Students learn the most from the example their teachers set. BE A GOOD EXAMPLE.

*The Book(s) that people are referring to are the Latin and Standard manuals published by the Imperial Society of Teachers of Dancing (ISTD).
Pants of Dance vs. Dance Pants

October 24, 2019

Men wear black dance pants. Pants. That are black. That they dance in.

Ladies wear dance pants. That are not pants. That they dance in. Under their dresses. I say them like, “dancepants.” They are also called dance trunks. Dance shorts. Dance briefs. Opaque, high-coverage undies that you wear so your actual undies aren’t on display to the world when you twirl or split or kick in your dresses. There’s more about them here. With a picture.
Sabotage!

October 17, 2019

I am typing in rhythm to this song, obviously:

Not progressing as quickly as you'd like? Seeing other dancers who started when you did zoom into higher levels?

First of all, THAT'S OKAY. Stop comparing yourself to others. Dance is a journey, yo.

Second of all, if you're unsettled by your lack of progress or you have chosen to embrace your competitive nature around the dance floor, THAT'S OKAY, TOO. I can help with that.

To ensure decent progress, make sure you're not doing any of the…

Common Traps That Sabotage Your Dance Progress

Not Having a Goal

Whether it's to make it through the first ten minutes of your studio's social dance or to win a national title, if you don't have a goal written down of what you'd like to accomplish when and why, your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear.

Think of things you would like to see yourself doing and write that shiz down. Need more help? Of course, I have a post for that: Measuring the Immeasurables.

Expecting Lessons Alone to Make You Great

While it'd be great to become a fantastic dancer by watching YouTube videos, I think you know that you need to take actual, physical lessons to learn how to dance. Group classes are a great start, but private lessons are where it's at. And yet, if you think going to your lessons (even if it's every day) are going to help you become Riccardo and/or Yulia, it's not. Even if it's five minutes a day, practice outside of the studio is essential to cementing techniques and actions into your primary motor cortex (in layman's terms, your muscle memory).

I like to tell students to practice simple exercises while they brush their teeth, or make their coffee, 'cause you CAN stand rockin' when you're in this place. Any short, passive breaks throughout the day can be used to do helpful exercises that will greatly increase your progress. (Yes, this post will be coming soon as well, but ask your instructor! We have so many!)

Avoiding Practice

It's the same, but different as the preceding reason. If you know you need to practice and kind of sort of halfway do it, you're scheming on a thing, that's a mirage.

    I've witnessed more than a few dancers go to "practice" and end up a) watching videos of other dancers b) talking to other dancers c) watching other dancers d) starting a few exercises and then doing a,b, and c again.

Solo practice, especially, isn't the most spectacular (or inconspicuous-feeling) activity, but the pay-off is often worth the discomfort. Besides the myriads of posts I have on the subject (When Practice Goes Bad, It's Called Practice for a Reason, The Myth of Practicing More), The Girl With The Tree Tattoo has a sweet PDF on how to practice (look for the "do you solo practice?" header) you could print out backwards and plaster on your forehead so it's always handy when you're in front of a mirror.

Because if you're not practicing, listen y'all all, it's a sabotage.

Practicing Fast

Not fast as in "I have somewhere to go and have to bang out this session", but like "I can only do this at one speed and that's BALLS TO THE WALL".

If you can't do it slowly, it's doubtful you are really in control of the thing you're doing.

Sez one of my brilliant students: don't practice fast until it's easy, practice easy until it's fast. SO GOOD.

So make no mistakes and switch up your channel; try all different tempos for your practice sesh. But especially slowly!

Not Doing Things That Feel Ridiculous

There's a certain point in ballroom dancing where it's no longer as the beginning teacher advertised. It is no longer "just walking". DAMN IT.

    Instructors will tell you to do things that feel stupid, unnatural, and unnecessary. But what YOU see, you might not get. THESE NEW THINGS ARE AWESOME, PHYSICALLY SOUND, AND NECESSARY. We will talk about your hip flexors and your ankles and your wrists and your fingers and sometimes you'll have to get over yourself and do stuff that feels silly and practice very specific directions on "how to hold hamburger" and you'll discover new ways your various joints can move without breaking anything.

Bailing Out

This seems to be a strictly female trait. Females will throw up their hands mid-move, swerving out of frame, and exclaim some fundamental law of dance has been wronged. Am/am, pro/am, and pro/pro ladies all do it. STOP IT.

The poor leaders of the dance world are doing their best to lead patterns and choreography TO FRUITION and we're all, "But, yo, I'm out and I'm gone."

Ladies, we gotta stick around through a little vexation and do our best to be imperturbable. Those leads have to have someone to lead if they are going to learn to… wait for it… lead. And believe it of not, they DON'T do the same thing to us (mostly, because I'm always telling the leads it's their fault, but STILL).

    I'm telling y'all, it's SABOTAGE.
How to be a Good Dance Partner

October 10, 2019

Notice I didn't say "How to be the Best Dance Partner" or even "How to be a Great Dance Partner" because DAMN, SON, there are a lot of ways to screw this up and I will settle for "good" IN JUST THIS ONE AREA of dancing.

Don’t date

Yes, I'm putting this first.

It's easy to confuse your love for this cool hobby and the good times you’re having while dancing, with a love for the attractive person [fact: all dancers are attractive] in your arms. STOP IT. Because once you figure out that all those endorphins and happy hormones were from the physical act of dancing and not from making out after practice, you might ruin dancing and its large social pool for yourself AND your former partner.

Of course I already wrote an article about not dating your dance partner, so just go read it while you're at it.

Show up

Agree on practice times, confirm if you must, and show up ready to do SOMETHING. It’s never easy to begin. But get your tush on the floor and start moving.

Have a good warm up or silly shenanigans to kick off practice on a fun and easy note. When I first started dancing, my partner and I stretched out quietly together; my next partner and I would shoot the shit while putting on our shoes and then do a Hustle to get started; #3 and I would bang out rounds from the get-go, and then dig into technique. These days, G and I have an excellent partnering exercise with which to begin practice and to get out of our teacher/parent/business owner heads.

It'd be great if you had mutual goals written out, so your practice time would be easily planned. "We need to know three moves in these three dances and be able to dance with music by this date" is an excellent starter. "We want to be able to count our Open choreography with the appropriate syncopations from beginning to end in a month" would be a good one for an advanced dancer.

If you're having a hard time structuring practice or making goals together, private lessons ARE available with amazing professionals who do exactly that FOR A LIVING.

Be cool

Dancing might be the only thing you feel good at/about or is progressing at a rate you find acceptable or that you can control at the moment but CHILL OUT. Be respectful and understanding of your partner's JOBS, and SLEEP, and FAMILY, and FRIENDS, and OTHER THINGS. You had agreed to certain practice times, but sometimes they have to change. IT'S OKAY. There are plenty of awesome ways to practice on your own when your need/desire/obsession to hit the floor outweighs your partner's need for a bill-paying job.

Shut up

There's so many times where it'd be easier to say to your partner, "You're not doing so-and-so" or "You're knocking me over here" or "Stop kicking me" or whatever than carefully examining your role in the partnership and realizing your partner can't do so-and-so because you're in the way, or you're actually knocking yourself over, or you were supposed to be in side by side position and not in shadow.

It's also exceedingly difficult not to bring these kind of things up in lessons. DON'T DO IT. I promise your coach will be able to see Things That Are Happening. Coach might not always bring up those exact issues that are driving you crazy because often there are bigger fish to fry, but ye olde coach sees it. Sometime in the near future, that issue will be addressed by dear Coach and you can go "brush your shoes" on the side of the ballroom to hide your smug smile and whisper "I told you so".

Shut your mouth. Focus on yourself.

Just keep dancing

Some dance partnerships don't work out for BIG TIME REASONS (imagine anything you would say "ew" to), but often, one or both partners get uncomfortable for small time reasons (mismatched proficiency, lack of funds, the difficulty of growth and progress in dancing, time commitment, unsatisfactory competitions results, stagnation, new romantic partner/life change, etc.) that seem too much to handle.

If you're REALLY REALLY REALLY honestly not going to dance anymore, cool. Be done.

But if you stop practicing together, now you are no longer dancing. And when you're no longer dancing, it's quite difficult to improve.

Sure, you might end a partnership with the idea of finding a new partner, but changing partners usually does not solve those small time problems that you had with that good partner. (Plus, there's the whole rigamarole of finding that new partner.)

Instead of ending a partnership, set new goals. Chip away at those goals. Figure out a new schedule. Work with different coaches. Dance with a different group of dancers. See how it feels in three months. Six months. A year.

And do like Dory.

Work, but not too much

Of course, we should all show up to each practice with a yearning to increase the technical, artistic, and musical aspects of our dancing with the focus of a laser beam and a fierce commitment to our partnership. But we should also go out for a beer. Or pizza. We should know more about our dance partner than their favorite dance, least favorite dance, and the birthdate for competition entry forms. Not that every partnership has to be BFFs, but being able to hold down a conversation with that person who holds up their frame opposite you is definitely a check in the "good" column.
Cheers! Here’s to Being Adequate

May 11, 2019

While unconditional love and patience and compassion and self-sacrifice are all hallmarks of a good mom, I think we need to declare a new trait. Because you know what's underrated and necessary in motherhood? Adequacy. With Pinterest moms, Instagram families, and the glossy filter of Facebook, few people are content with just "good enough". But after a lifetime of perfectionism and having six kids under 10 years old, I'm learning to embrace the adequate lifestyle.

Since I was little, I invested my time and energy in things I excelled at and left the rest alone. Whether it was straight As in school, a perfect 10 while I was an Olympic-level gymnast, or making finals in every competition I enter as a professional ballroom dancer, perfection has always been the mission. Even after my first kid, I felt like my hot streak was intact. She was the perfect baby. She was cute, sociable, and slept through the night. But after the next kid came along, and then another, and another… Well, motherhood is the antidote to perfectionism.

It started out slowly, my acceptance of adequacy. I could no longer take a trip to Target like a normal person and leisurely stroll the aisles and ogle the dollar section and home goods before shopping for food. Taking more than one kid to the store was a feat in many arenas: engineering ("how will I fit a carseat and a toddler and actual groceries into a grocery cart"), patience ("sure, you can help find the correct kind of mustard even though you can't read and are three feet tall"), aaaaand impassivity to strangers ("yes, my hands are full and one of my kids has found the joy of the word 'AVOCADO' and is loudly proclaiming it for you"). GET THE GROCERIES AND GET OUT before someone loses their mind was the new mission. And sometimes the mission failed.

By the time the older kids were in school, the lifestyle was full blown. Every year, parents are invited to school to watch their third graders present their civil war history projects. About half the kids will have AMAZING tri-fold posterboards with coordinated colored background paper and consistently spaced lettering and graphics suitable for the Apple Keynote, complete with a prop cannon bought on Amazon. My kid will have a poster with rainbow letters that you can kind of read from the fourth row and a small pencil-drawn kitty in the corner because OBVIOUSLY there were cats on the battlefield, MOM and her prop cannon will be made out of an empty oatmeal can. Have I gotten invested in school projects over the years? YES. My kindergartner's life timeline that I made into a comic strip was SO COOL. Do I have to remind myself to step back and let my kids find their own interesting civil war facts and appropriate font sizes? YES. Did I help them enough by reminding them to do their homework, looking up how to do a bibliography for the 75th time since I was 12, and buying the basic posterboard? YES.

There's times when adequacy makes it hard to live in the moment. We go to the zoo about once a month. It's a big zoo with lots of animals and fun non-animal things to do like a splash pad and two different playgrounds. Sometimes we go and everyone is bright-eyed and excited yet disciplined and the weather is sunny and 78º and I brought the exact number and variety of snacks to please everyone. But most of the time, someone is tired and merely the walk from the parking lot to the front doors is a forced march and everyone wants to eat in the cafeteria and it's too hot on the Tropics Trail and it's too cold on the Northern Trail and WHY ISN'T THE SPLASH PAD OPEN, MOM and "it's January in Minnesota" is not an acceptable answer and at least two people are crying on the way home from this culmination of circumstances. On these monthly excursions, I'm generally left wondering what the point of these "fun" family outings is. But at the end of the night when we gather round for prayers and say two things we're thankful for, "going to the zoo" is always on the list. Thankfully their little brains seem to outweigh togetherness over the poor snack selection and I can chalk these outings up to being completely adequate childhood memories.

Every day, there's opportunities to lord my perfectionist streak over my kids' heads. Sure, I "tiger mom" some ballroom dance lessons and instrument practice, but the dishes could be more thoroughly washed and rinsed, their handwriting on homework could be more legible, they could tame their bedhead more firmly and wear their toddler shoes on the correct feet, or not eat a banana for their ninth meal in a row. But have I fed them, clothed them, talked to them, and loved them today? Cheers.
Why: Tanning for Ballroom Dance Competitions

April 28, 2019
"Do I have to tan?"

Newbies ask this a lot, either before (yay!) or after (unfortunately) their first ballroom dance competition.

The short answer is yes.

The long short answer is "because you have to".

But the longer answer is pretty long, 767 words to be exact, but there's SCIENCE involved, so the answer'll be good and science-y.

HERE WE GO:

The average competition floor is lit with overhead lights on rigs suspended overhead, as well as several fixtures on the floor. Light is coming at your person from allllll angles.

So, Peter Pan, you have no shadow.

The lack of shadow will flatten out your sic abs, biceps, calves, and face. And I mean "flatten out" as in "show lack of dimension", not "prove I haven't eaten cake in six months".

No one worries about lacking dimension on their face, because no one really questions the need for stage makeup on their faces, right? (I'm side-eyeing so many of you boys right now.) One wants to flaunt their sassy winks and air kisses with some eyeshadow and lipstick, not to mention some Kardashian-like heavy contouring.

SO WHY ARE YOU IGNORING THE REST OF YOUR BODY?

We generally know makeup, especially on a stage or well-lit floor, will make your features pop (ie, exist) from where the audience or judges see you.

Those naked, pale legs and back of yours need a little assist as well.

SCIENCE HO!

Here comes some light color theory!

Different light sources emit different color tones.

The sun produces a white light, incorporating colors across the spectrum. Under it, colors look bright and lively and true to life.

That golden hour that all the Instagrammers gush about? It's a sweet yellow light that camouflages greens and blues (yes, you under-eye circles) and gives you a great glowing glow.

Candlelight registers as a warming orange, making your skin tone look even and eliminating blue tones while making reds pop (that dress, or that zit).

Now stage lights produce heavily blue tones, AKA winter hues. Ye who live the Midwest know that is… not our best time of year. Blues look bluer, greens look sicker, and white looks blue. Pink, unfortunately looks "grey and dead".

Combined with the lack of shadows, you are now a dancing piece of grey paper, void of any muscle definition and depth, save for your perfectly made up face. In a realm where you're often being judged on perceived vigor, this is not good.

If you are doing Standard and have a dress that mostly covers your limbs and back, this might not be a problem.

If you are doing Latin, Rhythm, or Smooth, you must deal with this.

Now the awesome lighting techs at ballroom dance competitions are doing their best to make everyone look amazing. They want your dress and all its rhinestones to sparkle and wow, your makeup to look glamorous and perfect after 7 rounds, and your hair to shine like the top of the Empire State Building, but THEY CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH. They will add some lovely Ambers and Violets to their LED light panels (or if they're old school, they'll throw some gels on their can lights), but let's help them out.

WHAT TO DO:
- Get a tan. It doesn't have to be make you a different race, but it does have to cover up the blue/pink tones in your skin.
Your tan will reflect a more pleasing, alive-looking color to the human (and even the judges') eye, and that reflected light will also return and often enhance any muscle definition you have (including cleavage!).

Do a test patch. Products with DHA might give a green or orange tinge to your tan if your body has a slightly elevated (alkaline) pH level. (Fun fact: semi-permanent lipsticks and makeup might not stick to you either!)

It might look orange. to you. in daylight. But you might be over-reacting to your very decent fake tan, so buck up.

Read this great article from SK Dancesport on the pros and cons of some of the different products available or their one on their favorite way to tan.

I also like this tanning stuff.
- Don't use WHITE eyeshadow as your highlight color.
THIS HAS BOTHERED ME FOR YEARS, YOU GUYS. I always wondered why so many girls seemed to wearing blue eyeshadow like it was the '60s. The color under your brows (and inner corner of your eye) should be yellow-ish. Creamy. I like this one.

It's a short list.

Here's a longer one: Play the Game.

You know why.

Sources:

https://www.ald.org.uk/blog/203395/lighting-skin-tones-in-theatre

https://www.iar.unicamp.br/lab/luz/ld/Diversos/maquiagem/Lights28.pdf

http://www.usailighting.com/stuff/contentmgr/files/1/54341a94e6953fb3afa22ed6800823de/misc/differentlightcolorsaffectskinandmakeup_xovain.pdf
On Running

October 30, 2018

I run three days a week. I have done this off and on for four kids (it's easier to say that than keep track of the years). Each morning, as I hit the sidewalk, I groan. Not merely an under-my-breath, mostly inaudible sort of groan, but a loud, full body, complete with eye roll GROAN.

I don’t want to go for a run. No mom of a newborn who’s had a few random hours of sleep wants to chuck herself out the door for some cardio. No Minnesotan wants to leave the house when it’s chilly out and they have to put on too many layers of clothing. Lord, no sleeping person even wants to get out of bed because it's comfortable and warm in there and the running is cold and high impact and UGH.

Scratch that.

Nobody wants to go running.

Don't get me wrong, people like running. But they like the effects of running. The middle parts (the wind in your hair! the hypnotic rhythm of your feet! the quiet! the nature! the time alone!) are fun. The end parts (a new PR! a good workout! a clear head!) are delightful. The health benefits (high metabolism! strong legs! increased endurance!) are fantastic.

But inertia is a bitch.

The effort to get out the door is immense and often feels insurmountable. Especially when there's a warm cup of coffee in your hand and blankets on the couch.

When I was running longer distances, I’d tell myself “the first mile is the hardest”. Which means, right now, basically the whole run is the hardest.

But if I don’t run that awful first mile right now, I’ll never get to that third or fourth mile. I'll never enjoy those middle parts, which are especially excellent in the springtime, blissfully quiet and relatively effortless and pretty and empowering.

So I’ll head out the door again tomorrow, and to start my awful mile and shake off the irritating nature of starting something hard, I'll let The Groan out, to which my neighbors have become accustomed.

Unfortunately, strangers passing by, have not.

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