Riot and Frolic

Or wait.  I do.

I feel a little like Sally Field right now.

I really was going to post something with content, but got a little distracted by my blog stats. They're pretty good.  Thanks, everybody!

As my awesome student jokingly said last night, "I love talking about myself!" So I'm going to join her in that love and have a little pregnancy-related confession time.  Feel free not to indulge me and stop reading.

I'm very pregnant.  The phrase "nine months" doesn't really apply.  Nine months=36 weeks in my book.  At nine months, you've still got a month to go.  Right?  So I'm ten months pregnant.  I have 12 more days until my due date and most likely, baby #3 will not come early.  (My two other ladies were very timely.)  

My "maternity" shirts no longer quite cover all that they should. (To be fair, I did not buy any mama-to-be clothes this time around because I think there's a conspiracy to have cute maternity clothes only when I'm NOT pregnant [a very small window] and because I'm cheap. I have two real mommy shirts.)  

On Sunday, I told G that I was giving up trying to be Super Preggo Lady and was just going to be pregnant.  That tomato plant I wanted to plant outside?  Unless someone else digs me a hole, it's staying in its pot.  That bucket full of dirty diapers?  Yeah, that's aaaaaall G bringing it to the basement laundry room.  Biking to work?  Well, a few choice words have gone through my head, and thankfully, not through my fingers.  I'm going to sit with my feet up and eat popsicles and have people do crap for me.  These are things I do not do on a regular basis.  

I'm going to give some advice now: (unsolicited! more fun!)

-If you're talking to a first-time mom, don't tell her any horror stories about pregnancy, labor, or breast-feeding.  I stopped reading those mommy-to-be magazines for the same reason because they just set a girl's mind running about all the bad things that can happen. Ignorance is bliss!  Share the crazy stories afterwards, like when you're bringing that new mom a meal and an hour of free babysitting.  

-Don't ask any woman when they are due or insinuate in any way that a lady might be pregnant unless you know FOR SURE that she is.  This just saves everyone a whole lot of embarrassment. Also, never rub an already-affirmed-pregnant lady's belly unless you've A) asked or B) she is your wife and you have already A)'ed.  It's beyond weird.

-There's a lot of things that ladies "shouldn't" do when they're pregnant.  A lot of these are old-wives' tales or just a bit out of date.  The general population of pregnant ladies probably shouldn't ballroom dance or run or lift heavy boxes (AKA children), but if you've been doing it all along, then why would you stop?  Like the joke goes- if it hurts, don't do it.  And until it does, I think I'm okay.  

-Saying things like "Oh wow, I'm glad I'm not you right now" or "Gee, you sure have your hands full" aren't helpful, nice, or funny.  I can only imagine you thought they were.  Be safe and say nothing.  It will make you sound smarter.  

-I'm okay.  Really.  I'm just pregnant. Ladies have been doing it for years. You don't need to ask if I'm all right every time you see me.  You don't need to force me into a chair if I'm standing for more than 30 seconds.  I won't drop this kid without warning.  There are systems in place to give me some notice of oncoming baby.  If I can forget I'm pregnant sometimes (I remember quickly when I see my reflection), then you can, too!