Riot and Frolic

Let’s Talk About You

November 2, 2011

No, I've had enough. Let's talk about me.

I'm more of a rock star now that my hair is long. If I say enough, it'll be true, right? Any of these hair styles below would make me a more awesome person.

Picture at left: clearly, I'm standing on a balcony in Paris, having just enjoyed a carb-free croissant, while the nanny and my children sing quirky French rhymes and I rustle my lovely locks before heading out to do some quality time (AKA, shopping) with the G. (Note: the girl in the picture is not me.)

Middle photo: I have finally found the nerve to wear a strapless anything and my hair is full of unexplained volume. (Note: the girl in the picture is not me.)

Pic at the right: The boudoir photos turned out great, as did all those hours at the tattoo parlour (yes, with a "u") and my super-sweet haircut. (Note: the girl is the picture is not me.)

While all those ladies pictured above are what I strive for, of course, this is what I achieve.

[This is an illustration from the funniest blog ever. Read it.]

It would also be neat to hang with these ladies. Being friends with them would probably make my hair more awesome and that pesky neck hair more manageable. [Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey]

But hey,

So,

And if all else fails, just remember this guy…
Clever Tart

November 1, 2011

I've seen those little pop-tart presses (oh, sorry, toaster pastry press) at stores lately, so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon (hopefully the wagon is carrying Elbow; they seem fun) and try to make my own breakfast treats.

I had apples and bananas around, so I made apple pie and banana-chocolate-chip versions… Because breakfast should always include chocolate. Is that gross?

Ingredients

– 2 tubes of refrigerated crescent rolls

– an apple

– a banana

– some chocolate chips

– a little flour, nutmeg, and cinnamon

– buttermilk caramel syrup (that stuff from the last Pinterest Project)

I used my crazy apple peeler-corer for the second time ever to uh, peel and core AND slice the apples. I'm pretty sure I got that doohickey from my in-laws and was like, "What is this thing?" And then I was all like, "Oh, for making pies and stuff." And then three years later I actually used it and it is fun. Nerdy kitchen fun. Did everyone have these when they were growing up? I had never seen one until it was mine. Kind of like how I encountered a baby for the first time.

I threw the apples in a pan with some of that awesome syrup to saute the apples a bit. Soften 'em up and whatnot. I'm sure butter is acceptable if you don't have Awesome Syrup.

While the apples were getting awesome, I smashed the banana with a little flour, nutmeg, and cinnamon. The flour seemed like something a cook would add. I had no other reasoning behind throwing it in.

Then I unrolled a roll of… rolls and glued two triangles together with a little water to make rectangles. Piled on a little hot apple or bananas with chocolate chips.

Unrolled another roll of rolls and glued those triangles together, too. Made little rectangle sandwiches and forked them (don't know the technical word for smushing around the edge with a fork). Put them in a 350 degree oven until they were golden brown (maybe 10-15 minutes).

Then…

Ate them.

They were awesome.

The only problem I had was keeping the triangles of dough together. Apparently you can buy the dough roll in a big sheet. That would be easier. Next time.

Happy Tuesday.
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

October 31, 2011

– the Lion OS X update on my Mac. Who else has this? Is anyone else confused by the backwards scrolling? Anyone?

– another case of vertigo. Yes, another one. Apparently, my awesomely low blood pressure and resting heart rate AND total lack of hydration (what? coffee doesn't count?) makes my brain want to take a time-out. Lesson learned? Maybe, drink some water?

– a trip to Guitar Center to hang out with the music nerds. Snotty music nerds.

– learning the G and I are both motivated by the same nihilistic principles.

– a crocheted coffee sleeve. The pattern will land on this page soon.

– awesome little pie/PopTart-like things for breakfast. Coming to this page tomorrow.

– lots of other cool stuff that I can't remember because it's late!

Dude, I'm so tired. I gots to go to sleep, or this nonsense will make less sense than usual. Mwah!
The Pinterest Project- Flapjack Friday Frills

October 29, 2011

This week's project meshed nicely with the accidental adventures in pancakes that I have on Fridays.

To explain, I have successfully planned my cooking exploits for a few months. My super-sweet chalkboard helps, plus it looks cool.

The adventures in pancakes started when I found out it was easier to plan our eats when I cheat and do cheesy (not literally) things like Waffles Wednesdays. Hence, Flapjack Friday. More fun alliteration and we get delicious cakes to start out the weekend.

After a couple weeks of plain ol' pancakes, I started mixing things up by trying whole wheat pannekoeks, banana ones, yogurt cakes, buttermilk, chocolate chip (duh)… Enough! Those varieties will be reviewed at a different time.

Wait, a planned accident? I am lame.

Recently, I found this buttermilk caramel syrup from Creations by Kara on the Pinterest and it sounded good.

And it was good!

People, follow the directions. Use a large saucepan. It bubbles. But your fat babies will eat more pancakes than you will think is possible and that is funny. So go ahead. You won't regret it.

P.S. It is very hard for me to post right now because I'm watching the most awesome 30 Rock. It's the Mad Men of comedy. But I can't stop watching.

And now, I just found this. So distracting.
Harder, Longer, Faster

October 28, 2011

I'm talking about running here, people. Get your mind out of the gutter. Running!

On my weekly workout upgrade, I decided to make running even more fun by running fartleks* on Mondays, an extra half mile on Wednesdays, and increasing my pace on Fridays. It is super fun. For lots of reasons.

First of all, can I tell you how much I like getting out of bed? Bed= warm, sleep. Get up= cold, running. And it's dark out. Like, the sun hasn't risen. I'm up before the freaking sun. Why do I do it? Oh, yeah, that whole Nutella habit I have. Gotta stave off that type-2 diabetes somehow.

Once I dump myself out of bed, it's not that bad. The house is quiet, the neighborhood is pretty deserted in a not-scary, everyone-got-killed-by-a-epidemic way, but in a lovely, peaceful way, and the wonderfully chilly air wakes me up (note: not as much as a delicious cup of coffee, but I hear that fresh air is good for you, so air wins).

Anyhoo, this fartlek business is the bees' knees… if you're Satan. Running is bad enough, then I go and run like I do up the stairs from my scary basement for a block and then… keep running. That flight of stairs from my basement puts me huffing and puffing. So, basically, I'm asking my lungs to explode. And they are willing. But first, they want to be set on fire. So, I oblige by running these dumb sprints 10 times over two miles.

Then, running looooonger than whatever my usual comfort distance is is asking for a system failure. "Usually I'm done by now," my brain thinks, and starts gearing down for breakfast. "Wait, you're still running," it notices. "This is lame. I'm hungry." That's when I'm pretty sure my brain starts eating itself in protest, because I definitely can't make a full sentence until I've had some real food after a run. And how about my poorly planned route where I ended up having to run around my house 3 times before I made my extra half mile? Extra special.

Faster was also a problem because I had set the bar kind of high. For this so-called marathon I'm running (no, it really is marathon) next year, I want to run around 10 minute miles. That is not fast. But that is fast for me. I thought I was doing reeeally well a month ago. 5:43 per mile? Man, I'm trying out for the Olympics! But then I discovered that was my time per kilometer. Bummer.

Hopefully this all kicks my rear end into shape quickly, so I can keep out-running those nasty monsters in my basement. Because basements are still scary when you're 30.

*I could have said "intervals" or something, but "fartlek" is a superb word.
Salt ‘n’ Pepa

October 27, 2011

Yo yo yo yo, not these ladies. I'm talking about some salt 'n' pepa… fish.

The only fish I've ventured to cook is salmon and I can dry out a nice piece of salmon like Tom Waits can smoke.

But for some reason, there was a bunch of tilapia fillets in my freezer that refused to disappear. This is what happens when you send your husband to the store. Fish.

I've never eaten a fish taco before, but since they like them in I Love You, Man (Paul Rudd being awkward) and I've heard generally good things, I decided to make up a recipe. (Thanks to Linda for the idea. I totally lost the recipe you gave me, but this might be a little close.)

It involves salt and… wait for it… pepper.

Salt and Pepper Fish

– fillets of tilapia (or some white fish that you like)

– flour

– salt

– pepper

– oil

Sprinkle flour, salt, and pepper on each fillet and then rub it around so one side of your fish is covered.

In a pan, heat about a tablespoon of oil. I like olive oil. Throw your fishies (flour side down) in. Sprinkle your fishies naked side with more flour, salt, and pepper and rub (yes, while the other side is cooking- be brave). Cook on each side for about 3-5 minutes or until the fish is opaque and flakes easily with a fork.

To serve, I just cut up some grape tomatoes and onions and had some lime available to squeeze on top. Then we piled all that goodness into a couple warmed-up flour tortillas and went to town. GOOD.

Just so you know, if you eat at my house, you should be aware that whatever I cooked definitely has my germs on it. Like this fish? Yeah, I had to "make sure it was done", so I stuck my fork into it to "flake it." And then I "ate it." But I really did. I ate a lot of it. And then I flaked it some more so you couldn't tell I ate half a fillet before it hit the table. Clever.

I'm like Julia Child and Joey Tribbiani mixed together (something about dropping things and air quotes).
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

October 24, 2011

– lots of V's artful photography, found on my iPhone photo album when downloading my own pictures.

I'm pretty sure that's a finger and little Zoo's occupied footy-jamas… Art.

– My love/hate relationship with making a center-pull ball of yarn continues. No matter how hard I try, there's always some hopeless tangle near the end that I abandon. You will not be part of my soiree, you naughty tangled yarn!

– a clever "text" message to my bestie, who bought the new iPhone and can now receive picture texts. Yet it was a total fail, because when I sent it to her, she was still getting everything on her old phone. So, all she got was my smarmy message about joining the 21st century.

And how nerdy am I that I send texts about yarn?

– a sneak preview of my contribution to the Beyond Ballroom Dance Company's annual benefit. If you live in the Twin Cities, you should come to the party. There's a fabu show, social dancing, food, and a silent auction featuring awesome things (see below).

– finishing off of Mad Men, the best TV show ever. Whennnnnnn will season 5 start? Not soon enough, says the LA Times. And does anyone else think of Christina Hendrinks whenever they hear Florence + the Machine?

01 Dog Days Are Over

No? Okay.

– accidental croutons.

Deliciously stale!
Practice Makes Perfect… Or At Least, Better

October 22, 2011
Ballroom dance lessons are expensive. Everyone forks out around $100 for 45 minutes or so.

But how much you pay each lesson isn't what makes them expensive. It's that you pay that amount each time, you take your lesson, and you leave.

…

And then you come back! And you say, "Teach me something else."

Maybe your teacher does teach you something different than the previous lesson, or maybe they rephrase the old lesson so it sounds like something else. But, for some reason, you are not getting better at dancing.

Shall I make a suggestion?

PRACTICE!

If you're taking lessons at a studio that offers group classes for free when you take private lessons, you have no excuse. Believe it or not, that studio is offering you those group classes for free, so that you can practice what you're learning and get better. Really.

Let's try practicing what you're learning, in a group class:
- Boil down your previous private lesson (love alliteration) to one technique. Posture, frame, timing, getting your weight on one foot or the other, whatever. Go to the group class, use the pattern/dance they're teaching, and work on that thing.
- Go to an easier class. Are you working on Bronze figures? Take a beginning class. See above.
- Pretend that everything the instructor points out is meant for you, you baaaaad dancer, you. Check out your footwork, evaluate your leading/following, stand up, don't look at the ground, etc. It's all pointed at you. Shape up… You.
Going out dancing? There's great ways to practice what you're learning out on the town, too:
- Patterns, duh. Got some new moves you're dying to try? Having your instructor prompt you on what to do when and then counting them out for you is not dancing. Sorry. Take your show on the road and see what actually works.
- Dance with a newbie. It's a thrill for the non-dancer and great practice for you. Don't do anything crazy. Do the basic, rotate the basic, smile, and try one other easy step. Men, if you couldn't lead a new lady, you need some work. Women, if you couldn't teach a guy the basic, you need some work.
- Floor craft. You spend a lot of time learning patterns and frame, but do you know how to use it when you need it? If you're always running into others, it's not them, it's you. Learn how to fix it, then try again.
How about just hanging out at the studio for a couple extra minutes? Here's what I'd do:
- Walk. This sounds silly, but take a concise stroll and make sure you're doing heel leads and toe releases in Smooth, or bend/straighten/settle in Rhythm. Need something more? Ask your pro for some exercises; we have tons.
- Go over what you just learned in your lesson. Learn a new pattern? Try it on your own and make sure you remember it. New technique? Make sure you understand it. Maybe even write it down for bonus points.
And for you couples, always keep in mind that practicing means "how can I improve myself," not "he's not doing it right" or "she feels heavy" or "blah blah blah [my partner sucks]."

Now, go forth and conquer.

I had originally titled this post "For Those Who Like to Complain," but I'm working on being less blunt. How'd it go?
The Pinterest Project- Al Gore Hates Me

October 21, 2011

Boo. And not in honor of Halloween. I was super excited about this week's project because I A) love cleaning and B) have a lot of pans that look like this…

I wanted this to happen…

Notice the seriously clean left side of the pan above? And the junky, gross right side? Jillee, over at One Good Thing, cleaned her pans, and a bunch of other stuff by using a paste made out of baking soda and hydrogen peroxide.

While I believe it worked for her, I scrubbed three different pans for ten minutes each (have you been to my gun show? it's impressive) and all I got was this…

Do you see it? That slightly cleaner spot in the upper right corner? Mmm, yeah. Totally worth it. NOT! (Okay, I swear that's the last time I'll use that. Thanks again, Borat.)

Just to make sure I wasn't using bad technique, I used my bare fingers, gloves, and a sponge to rub the paste into/on the pans.

I also used slightly thicker and thinner versions of paste and tried different pans because maybe it needed more peroxide or maybe it didn't work on non-stick or something. But nope. I got nothing.

Has anyone else tried this? I've tried a few "natural" cleaning solutions (vinegar, baking soda, lemon, all that business) and have never been completely happy with the results. Method brand comes close, but it turns out I'm a big fan of chemicals. Harsh ones. Sorry, Al Gore.
To Be or Not To Be

October 19, 2011

Don't you hate that question?

Now that I'm officially a Mother of Three/Ballroom Dancer/Teacher/Wife/Domestic Goddess, I've been trying to figure out exactly what I will or will not be within those roles. I got out pen and paper and everything.

Yes, my people, it's time to share with you my goals. I figure if I put a few choice targets out there (on the interwebs), somebody might ask me about them and I'll have to fess up to my doing or undoing them. These are the ones I'm not embarrassed to share:

– Family fun time for one hour a day. There are about three waking hours when all of us are in the house at the same time and they're all in the morning. Grocery shopping can't count. Neither can washing dishes or eating breakfast. So… Wish me luck.

– 100 pageviews per day on ye olde blog. So tell you friends!

– close the Etsy store. I was a bit surprised by this one, but I realized I hated the idea of sending out my crafties to an anonymous person AND making lots of one thing. Turns out I just like making stuff to make it. Expect nifty homemade gifties soon, loved ones.

– run the TC Marathon. I was also surprised by this one. I hate running. But it gets the job done. And I would love to say I ran a marathon, because it'll sound so ridiculous coming out of my mouth.

– eat 5 fruits and veggies a day. This takes planning, followers. It takes buying actual fruits and vegetables. And eating fruits and vegetables. Before they go bad in my refrigerator. Gah.

– read an interesting book a month. Thank God I'm in a book club, right?

– spend conscientiously. Target. You are my downfall. Fast food drive-thru. Why are you so convenient? Victoria's Secret catalog. Stop tempting me, you wench.

I'd also like to find a great babysitter that I'm not friends with (so I can go out with my crew AND not leave anyone out), kick everyone's butt in every ballroom dance competition I enter, get some paid advertisers for ye olde blog, make my students kick everyone's butt in every ballroom dance competition they enter, and have a date night once a week.

Not that I ask for much.

Do you have goals that you're working towards? And if not, WHY? Get on that!

Make your goals.

Work for them!

And then aim higher!

[1. get a girlfriend

2. kiss her

3. rule the world]

recent posts

about