Riot and Frolic

Unpaid Programming- Dance Version

November 17, 2011

There are some products that I feel I could not live without while I'm on the dance floor. If I don't use these products each time I have to sweat anxiously amongst unnaturally-tanned people, I sense impending disaster: possible wardrobe malfunctions, moving hair, or *gasp!* pale skin.

This is the best self-tanning product ever. I bought it thinking it was Pro-Tan. I used it about nine times thinking Pro-Tan had gotten sooooo much better before I looked at the bottle. Ah, that explains it.

It goes on a nice light brown (not dark orange) color, in a lovely even (not streaky) manner, darkens up over a couple hours to a normal-looking tannish color, and the darkened color doesn't wash away in the shower (that's a good thing). Hey, it works on Irish people, so it's good.

Capezio makes my favorite dance fishnets. They are sturdy, no-nonsense fishnets, let me tell you. I only buy a pair once a year or so, and I wear them a lot. Buy the nude color if you're a normal person and the dark color only if you've fake tanned like I eat Nutella… A lot.

Supadance has my favorite brand of shoes. They just work for me. They are the least uncomfortable dance shoes I have tried. And that's saying something.

Now that I have long hair, I've had to experiment with new product to deal with all my mess. My bestie turned me on to this easy to work with goo and I love it.

It tames flyaways like a rock star and makes sculpting my hair into my fancy mohawk very do-able.

My favo hairspray is this bad boy. Yep, strong, reliable hold for round after round. I seeked this stuff out after getting my hair done by one of those hair gurus at a comp. Imagine my surprise when I found out it's only like $5 a can. Neat!

On the other, more expensive hand, there's Swarovski rhinestones. No matter what some crazy people say, these little rascals are the greatest. Throw a few hundred of these on a flour sack and you'll look gooood.

They sparkle as much as this dude's baby blues.
Motivation to Shake a Stick At

November 16, 2011

Many of you know how I feel about running…

[Buy this shirt for someone you love. Or me. Whatevs.]

I'm not good at it. But I do it. Like Nike says.

And because…

As much as I feel like dying at the beginning of each run (okay, the middle and the end, too), when I get back home, I feel AWESOME. Like this guy.

Holy crap. Did you go out and run a couple miles after that? Now that you're all tired and captive, I'll tell you about this great book I read…

Born to Run. By Christopher McDougall. If you run and you haven't read this, you are missing out. If you don't run, you should still read it. It's a fun read along the lines of Into Thin Air and Into the Wild without all the undiagnosed mental disorders and dying and whatnot, but with a lot of motivational inspiration and amazing physical feats of endurance.

I basically read the whole thing out loud to the G because it was so fascinating. Like every single paragraph. Unbelievable! But it's all real. All these incredible stories about ordinary people heading out the door and running 50 miles in a day… for fun.

Shut up.

I know.

And I'll never look at a Chia Pet the same.

Those three miles I do now seem so easy. Or hard. I can't figure it out.

Anyhoo, check it out. Then get off your butt and make sure this happens.

Catching up on Season 7 of The Office. Awesome!
Crazy Bread, Part Deux

November 15, 2011

The other day, I made some awesome bread from this recipe. It's this ridiculous recipe where you don't knead the dough, you just combine all the ingredients and then bake them. Where's the technique? The learning curve? The skillz?

This crazy recipe also says you can make pizza crust out of the same dough. Nonsense, I say. I've been perfecting my pizza crust recipe and it requires rising and kneading and resting and more kneading. You know, skillz.

Nay, the recipe replies.

You roll out some of this stupid, magical dough and it will make the base of your pizza delicious and crunchy and chewy. Stupid, delicious pizza.

I will eat you. But I won't be happy about it.

Check out this book with lots of other infuriating recipes in it.

Note to my lovely readers: I've had to upgrade my "Comment" settings because I have been getting some odd comments lately, that don't seem to have anything to do with my posts. Your awesome comments will must now be approved by Captain Blueblack before they'll show up here. Merry Commenting, nonetheless!
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

November 14, 2011

– cooked bacon in the oven because she told me to. And she is a much better cook than me. I think even my friend who doesn't like bacon (HOW am I friends with her?) would approve. No grease jumping up to bite you! 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes? Nice.

– a slightly overwhelming shopping trip. We checked out the Shops at West End. I cannot go to Anthropologie. See?

The whole store is simply too much. It's like an extended… pleasureable experience, and it's exhausting. But, if you ever want to get me a giftie, just walk in there and go around grabbing stuff. I'll love whatever it is. And after you buy your three or four, randomly nabbed items for $1243.98, just know that you have made me very happy and bought some quality goods.

I mean, check out this pillow. A fricking pillow. But the details! Blah. Magnificent.

– a quiche. Some more loaves of that stupid bread. A bunch of salads. Yum. Salad for breakfast. You must try.

– a dance at a fundraiser for one of my former students, who kicked the crap out of her cancer. Way to go, Bridget!

– finding out MTV's Made is going to be filming in our studio. One of the many shows MTV makes instead of showing actual music videos. But since we're involved, I'm okay with it. Yay, MTV!
Learn How to Dance

November 13, 2011

The best way to learn how to ballroom dance is to take private lessons.

I'd like to end my post there, but I will elaborate…

Private lessons consist of you (with or without a partner) learning dance steps and techniques from a trained professional dance instructor.

There are community education classes available in most cities. These are a great first step (hahahaha, dance pun!) to see if you like the idea of ballroom dancing. You will not learn to dance in one or even two of these sessions. Nope.

But you will learn the basic patterns associated with a few dances (foxtrot, rumba, swing, etc.) and some general direction in how to do these things correctly. Hopefully.

Most dance studios also offer group classes in various dances and levels that you can join. You will still be learning where and when to move your feet and vague corrections to make (which may or may not apply to you) while doing your "moves".

There are also many instructional dance videos. Some are great, some… not so much so. You can learn some neat patterns from these, also. But alas, not how to dance.

Unless you learn some techniques and movements that form the foundation of ballroom dancing, you will have a hard time learning how to dance from groups and videos. It will not be neat.

It will be hard to dance with other people and dancing itself might seem difficult.

Most likely, you will be doing the same pattern at the same time as your partner (so if you're single, you're out of luck), yet not actually dancing together… Like the people on Dancing With The Stars!

They do choreography. AKA- steps. Those celebs can only do what they are doing with their amazing pro dancer helping them through it and making them look good.

They have not learned how to lead and follow, use "connection," move their "centers," do the correct footwork (or why to do it), or even the basic timing for a particular dance.

Those are the things you learn in one-on-one (or one-on-two [sexy!]) lessons. You learn how to apply these fancy techniques to the basic steps and all the "moves" that come after that. You learn what is right and what is right for you (maybe you are really tall or rather petite and can't do that "perfect" frame, for example).

You will dance with someone who knows what they are doing and someone who can tell you that you drop your elbows in promenade or that you are doing the Cowboy Rumba or that your head is wonky in frame.

You will be lead or followed without knowing what patterns comes next or how it might end.

In other words, you will learn to Dance. It will be neat.
The Pinterest Project- It’s Not Gross

November 11, 2011

I was really hoping this week's project was going to be a Fail because I am hilarious when I write those.

I mean, it's cookie dough dip made out of chickpeas. It has to be gross, right?

I was so excited when I was mixing the ingredients in my blender. Can of chickpeas, a little peanut butter, a little brown sugar. *manical laughter of evil doctor*

"Oh, this is going to be disgusting. It's going to be so funny when I tell everyone how I tried this."

I was cringing as I scooped the goods out of the blender. I licked the spatula without thinking and whoa, Nelly. It was…

AWESOME!

Like, really, really good and cookie dough-like. And I didn't even have chocolate chips.

I brought the ladies in to do a taste test. And those wee little mouths gobbled it up like it was the real thing. Except with protein and no guilt.

Guess who's got two thumbs and is trying out all of the recipes on this girl's site now?

Nice.

Yes, I have socks in my hair. What? I'm working on next week's project.
Crazy Bread

November 8, 2011

No, not the delicious treat from Little Caesars.

I'm talking about this bread recipe that my ma-in-law and I were discussing a couple months ago and that she sent me a copy of after our visit. She had seen the recipe in an issue of Mother Earth News magazine from 2009. My question is, how did she find this article? I guess after keeping track of twelve kids, finding an article from two years ago ain't so bad.

Supposedly, you throw some ingredients in a bowl, stir it, toss it in the fridge, and then use it to make fresh, awesome "artisan bread" from the ensuing dough. Riiiiight. Because it's just that easy.

Well, it was.

The recipe is from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day by Jeff Hertzberg. Which I'm totally going to buy. Because apparently making bread is just that easy.

No Knead Bread

Yields 4 or 5 small loaves

Ingredients:

– 1.5 tablespoons dry active yeast

– 1.5 tablespoons salt

– 3 cups warm water

– 6.5 cups flour

Throw it all in a large bowl/container. Let it rise at least two hours. Put it in the fridge.

When you want to bake some bread, cut off a grapefruit-size hunk, make it into a ball, throw it on a pan for 30 minutes in a 450 degree oven.

If you want more exact directions, you're going to have to check out the recipe or visit Jeff's site. I like how he writes the directions. There's lots of "let it sit for about…" and "don't worry…" advice. Inexact. Not a science. Perfect.

What you'll get is a fancy looking loaf of bread that will cost you $5.99 at Whole Foods, but is basically free for you now. It's crusty on the outside and chewy on the inside and it made me want to cry, literally (or is it because I'm listening to this song on repeat?), because it was so easy.

12 _Shanty By The Sea_

Shed a couple tears and make some bread, my people.
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

November 7, 2011

– getting a handle to the new scrolling in Lion OS X. Note to self: don't think. If I start thinking about it, it turns out like my hair when I'm trying to braid it while looking in the mirror. And that is bad. And confusing.

– matching mama-offspring hairstyles. I swear it's V that initiates this and not me.

– a pretty flower.

– a crap project that turned out awesomely. I wanted to crochet something for our church's annual silent auction and of course, I started it on Friday. I've made this pattern a million times (ok, five), but I used a different yarn than usual and didn't use the right size hook and I hate this kind of yarn and by the time I figured out my hook size was too small, I didn't want to rip it out, so I had to keep going, but I was tired and had to get it done and I thought it would only fit an embryo's head, but hey! It turned out. The End.

– a fun family night that included the twin girls I can never tell apart, the only dude I still talk to from high school, and a really great dinner.

– Mae Cake's new hobby: "reading" the Zoo books while rocking her in her bouncy chair.

Not Harrison.
There’s No Crying in Ballroom

November 7, 2011

Except there is…

Because sometimes you think you should place higher.

Because that one girl beat you and she is just not better than you.

Because sometimes it's political.

Because you feel uncoordinated.

Because you're not getting it and feel like you should be.

Because you look goofy doing that move.

Because they're in Silver? But you should be in Silver!

Because you fell down.

Because it's hard.

Because you thought you were doing it correctly.

Because there's so much to learn.

Because your teacher yelled at you.

Because your partner was late and your shoes are sticky/slippery and it was raining out and work was terrible and you didn't eat and you're broke and a million other reasons.

Suck it up and keep dancing.
The Pinterest Project- Flowers and Flies

November 4, 2011

Have you seen this fabulousness floating around the interwebs?

It's from that brilliant Megan, over at notmartha.org She made these amazing dahlia flower brooches in honor of Mother's Day, but with Christmas fast approaching, I could see them coming in handy.

I followed her directions vaguely (I didn't measure anything because I'm sooooo good at eye-balling measurements) and generally liked the results. I was going for completion and not perfection, so when I make this again, I'll definitely use, like, a ruler or something.

And here's a fun alternative way to use my kettlebell!

This "final product" picture is so terrible. I can't get a good one of it for some reason. It's "Kate pink," otherwise known as fuschia.

It not blurry in real life either. But that's what you get when your only camera is on your phone.

Fun, pretty gift for the ladies, though!

I didn't mean to do two projects this week, but there are f-ing fruit flies all over my kitchen. Maybe I'm not using the right tone to convey my anger. There are f-ing fruit flies all over my kitchen! And they are aggressive. Like little kamikazes, but they won't die.

Although when I look at this picture, maybe I'm lucky.

Amy at The Idea Room, clearly had an infestation. At least she had a good excuse with her canning and preserving. She made up this fruit fly trap and stuck it to those little buggers. Well, not really. She did a catch and release program. I want to kill them.

For now, there's about a dozen chillin' in the jar waiting to be destroyed… somehow. I hear dish soap works. Maybe I'll feel some pity in the final hour and release them into the wild. We'll see. But the jar and paper? Winning.

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