Riot and Frolic

Pinterest Project- Raining Babies

February 17, 2012
I helped throw a baby shower over the weekend. In searching for a theme, I became obsessed and elated with the idea of a "mustaches and bowties".

I wanted to see grown women in mustaches and bowties.

Because that, my friends, is hilarious. And awkward.

So, even more hilarious.

I dug through Pinterest for a little inspiration. Because, duh, that's what you do.
- Bowtie pasta salad- of course.
- Fake mustaches– why yes, I did research the best ones on Amazon.
- bowtie party favors– neato!
About these, I followed Lindsey's directions for making the "chubbier" bowties and I definitely liked the proportions on the final product. I'm looking for the pictures I took of all 24 of them lined up, but apparently my camera hates me because I can't find them.

So here's some neckwear waiting for its glue to dry:

I used a bunch of scrap fabric and some of the middle tie-parts clashed with their bow-parts and I loved it that way.

I needed some kind of vehicle to get the mustaches and bowties to the guesty-guests, so I traced V's head and cut out a bunch of "busts" to attach the goods to. [Yeah, yeah, ending with a preposition… and a ellipsis for no reason. Take that!!!!!]

extra girly hair for juxtaposition

I made them out of grocery bags because reducereuserecycle or some crap. I ironed them to get them flat.

On the linen setting, in case you were wondering.

I decided the mustaches and bowties looked great on the paper busts, but obviously, we needed more ridiculousness.

So I Googled "20s slang" (because mustaches and bowties scream "BATHTUB GIN" to me and what better way to welcome a sweet, little baby into the world than bootleg liquor and tommy guns?) and wrote nicknames on the bottom of each cutout.

The Big Daddy, The Scalawag, The Scoundrel, The Rogue, The Dapper Dan, The Villian, The Casanova, The Cat's Meow…

I figured the ladies would rip the wearables off and chuck the paper bag part, but most of the mustachioed females ended up sticking their "character" to themselves too. Weirdos.

Lastly, I found a recipe for
- Blue Velvet cupcakes because my friend is having a boy and boys need blue.
I used my favorite frosting, but decided the wee cakes needed some facial hair, so I dusted some cocoa powder over my cardboard mustache cutout.

After a couple boo-boos, I discovered I had to put the template right on the cupcake (not hovering overhead) to get a clear outline. Obvious, I know.

And where do you put your fake mustache when you're done with it?

Well, duh.
Being Good Is The WORST

February 16, 2012
If you'd like to listen to me complain, this is your day. Your very special day.

Most of you know I had another adorable little baby about six months ago.

She's a total goon.

And while I obviously love and cherish all my little hellions, they are also wreaking havoc on my body. Not to mention the G and I were getting some really great results at competitions… in my first trimester.

Oh, did you forget? I'm a ballroom dancer.

Each time I've popped out one of God's children, I've had to reaffirm my love of vegetables and whole foods and exercise (AKA "being good") to regain some semblence of dancer-like physique, as opposed to the "normal person" diet I would always adopt by my third trimester.

And while I love my job, wearing the form-fitting dresses that go with performing is one hell of a reality check on my post-partum fitness.

Boo.

I started running and strength training to get in better shape for dancing for reals four weeks ago. Like, running 2-4 miles four times a week, and working out 6 times a week. *barfing noise* And while that is neat and all, by the time I get to practice, I feel like my legs/arms/back is going to FALL OFF because I'm so exhausted. Yes, my back will FALL OFF. That's tired, people.

And it turns out, if you want to lose weight and get "tightened", you can't eat Nutella on Ritz crackers every day. *GASP!* I know. I know. It's a shocker.

So, this girl, who's weaknesses include fried foods, chocolate, and sitting around DOING NOTHING, is…
- getting up every morning and running around the neighborhood while being yelled at that I'm on the sidewalk (long story, some other day)
- eating a salad and a protein-packed smoothie for breakfast (chia seeds? yes? no? we'll talk)
- practicing for two hours where we do at least 2 rounds and lots of actual dancing while the ladies run around the studio and build enormous forts from all the chairs in the ballroom
- eating a salad with chicken and a piece of fruit for lunch while trying to negotiate with the ladies that they should eat their freaking mac 'n' cheese (CHEESE! NOODLES! BUTTER! WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?)
- organizing games and forts and book reading and learnin' and "field trips" after naptime while eating string cheese and almonds for a snack instead of chips and chocolate and everything delicious
- making dinner of brown rice and salsa and some meat product (what a treat!)
and finally, topping off the day…
- doing a strength training workout that literally has me falling over at least 2 times either from the lack of balance required or being dead tired, every time I go through it.
I would definitely rather wake up late, eat some doughnuts, putz around the studio for a half an hour doing an imitation of practicing, take a nap or two at home, eat some McDonald's and then imbibe a big ol' vanilla soy latte with an extra shot from Starbucks while perusing the children's section at B&N.

Yeah, so like I said, being good is the WORST.

On the plus side, I'll probably kick your ass on the dance floor.

*smirk*
Don’t Drink It

February 15, 2012

Yesterday, I was telling you about the awesomely nasty smoothie I had made. But it wasn't made for drinking because DANG, nobody wants to deal with that morning/afternoon/evening breath. No, no, peeps, it was a rub for the turkey I was cooking up for Turkey Bowl Sunday (otherwise known as "Super Bowl Sunday" to you sports nerds).

Here's the recipe. I adapted it from the Splendid Table recipe.

Freaking Amazing Turkey Rub

Appliance/Tools:

– blender

– sharp knife for chopping

– spatula

Ingredients:

– onion (I like red)

– 8 peeled cloves of garlic or so

– 2-3 slices of bacon

– 2-3 Tablespoons of olive oil

– lemon

– salt

– pepper

– dry sage

– whatever other spices you dig (thyme/basil/oregano, chili powder/cumin/cayenne pepper)

Roughly chop the onion and bacon so your blender doesn't have to work too hard. Put the first four ingredients in your blender. Juice the lemon into the blender. Salt, pepper, sage, and other spice it to taste. (I measure my spices in my hand- a small palmful of all of them. It's about 2 teaspoons or a tablespoon of each.)

Blend that stuff together. Add more olive oil if your blender is reluctant to grind it up.

Then give your turkey a little Swedish massage. Here's directions on how to rub down a turkey. (Because a turkey is just a big chicken, right?)

He is thinking about how delicious the turkey will be.
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

February 14, 2012

– an onion, garlic, and bacon smoothie. For Turkey Bowl Sunday, people. Not for breakfast. I'll post the recipe tomorrow. It makes for a pretty amazing turkey.

– testing of the party favors for my friend's baby shower. I dare you not to pee your pants after seeing this picture.

– making cake flour. Fun. That flurry of white in the picture is me sifting the flour and corn starch together. Sifting!

– nerding out in the kitchen by making a mustache cutout, then sifting (sifting!) cocoa powder onto some oddly colored cupcakes.

– note to self : put some sugar in the unsweetened cocoa powder next time. Might taste better.

– blue velvet cupcakes with buttercream frosting. Like Red Velvet… but blue.

I made the recipe with the correct amount of blue food coloring, but the color wasn't as intense as I wanted it. I wanted that blue to jump out from under the frosting and yell, "HEY! I'M BLUUUUUE!" But it turned out to be a very polite shade that just shook your hand and said, "Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Bleu." (Yes, a French blue. Very proper. Not aggressive in the least.)

– one hell of a baby shower. I won't post pictures because the ladies might kill me. There were mustaches and bowties. Worn for a strangely inappropriate amount of time. While drinking and eating.

My favorite quotes:

[After removing the facial hair] We all look younger… and less distinguished.

[My bestie had a particularly fantastic 'stache reminiscent of Tom Selleck. One friend said:] I just want you to drive away in a muscle car.

There is some kick ass baby stuff nowadays. Like, why didn't they have that three years ago? Or six months ago? Dammit! I am behind the times!
Don’t Judge Me

February 13, 2012
I'm not officially a ballroom dance judge yet. But I will be. Soon.

I do, however, judge non-sanctioned/unofficial, fun events like a few amateur and pro/am competitions and showcases around the Midwest. I'm good at it and love doing it.

Yes. I'm judgemental.

As a competitor and judge-in-training, I'd like to offer some pointers on

How To Treat The Judges:
- don't make the judges move.
Let's say you're doing a Waltz and you decide to get really close to one of the judges- me. So close that I might have to move my freaking clipboard or actually take a step to avoid your movement.

You might have thought, "I'll make an impression by getting in her face." Yes. You did make an impression. The impression that you can't control your own movement.

Stay away from me.

Along the same lines…
- don't dance too close.
You're dancing your Rumba and you decide to face the panel of judges (since they're all lined up). You're doing your crossover breaks and your side by side work 5 feet in front of them. You are working it.

Can I see your number? Your syncopated breaks might be amazing, but you don't get your back to me at some point, I'm not going to mark you because I don't know who you are. Lose!

Dancing across the floor from the judges gives us a nice head-to-toe look at you and we see your number almost the whole time. Win!

Or…

You are offended because they are looking over and around you. "But look at what I'm doing!" you think.

There are 72 other couples on the floor that we have to see, so watching your entire Rumba is not going to happen. Watching 4 seconds of it is about enough unless you are so fantastic or so terrible that I must watch more.

Save yourself the angst and get away from me.
- don't make the judges' job hard.
As a competitor, you want to make the judges mark you first, quickly. That means you should look nice (read more about that here or here) and dance some recognizable figures with the characteristics of that dance.

Fancy choreography is for you, and you alone. It does not impress judges because they have already seen it. And they have already seen someone do it better. For example…

So do a couple twinkles, or side breaks, or links and do the crap out of them and I will mark you first way faster than someone who is doing something, over there, with some sort of timing…
- don't ignore the judges.
If you are dancing nearby and your general focus is within a foot of my body, please make eye contact. It gets lonely standing around by myself sometimes.

Plus, if you avoid eye contact, I think you aren't confident and that's not sexy.
- judges don't care how it feels.
I don't care if you're sick or hurt or pissed off or sad. I don't care that your partner is wrenching your arm on that one move. I don't care that you've danced 15 dances in a row. I want to see a jive that is light and happy and moves.

I don't care how it feels. I care how it looks.

And lastly, my personal pet peeve…
- get on the floor.
Get on the floor! Once the heat before you is over, go. Do not wait for your number to be called. Do not wait for someone else to lead the way. Do not practice your rumba walks on the way to your spot. Do not do your best Tina Sparkle and Ken Railings impression. Get your butt on the floor.

Thank you and good night.
The Party Planning Committee

February 9, 2012

Curiouser and curiouser…

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Parties.

Fun.
YODEL With Me

February 8, 2012

Hey peeps. Don't forget the first YODEL (Yarn Over, Drink, Eat… Legit) is coming up Monday.

Like this Monday.

Like the day before Valentine's Day.

It's from 5-8pm at the Claddagh coffeeshop in St. Paul, MN on West Seventh.

I'll bring a couple patterns like this in case you need a last minute gifty for your sweetie. I'll even bring red yarn. It'll be amazing. And with the amount of coffee I'm going to consume, it will border on incredible.

But hey, I must cut it short since the half-birthday babe has decided she needs to eat and be played with. The nerve.

Rock on.
The Finisher

February 7, 2012

I'm a finisher. Not in a good, "goal met, what's next" kind of way. Like in a "this bag of chips is already open, I'd better finish it" kind of way.

I'm not real good at what they call "portion control" or "not eating". This is a problem if there is junk food readily available.

Surprisingly, my EAT IT ALL philosophy worked (or is working) for my recent Costco produce buying binge.

Many of you know my love for Costco and their giant money-saving Nutella jars. (A friend recently gave us a retail-sized jar of delicious and after gratefully accepting it, I got it home and laughed at its puniness. That made it feel bad and me and that jar got in a fight. Doors were slammed, voices were raised, but it all ended well. With an empty jar.)

Well, turns out Costco has amazing deals on produce as well as junk food. Score.

I came home with a pound of spinach (do you know how much spinach that is? it's a lot), six heads of romaine, 5 pounds of tomatoes, 8 pounds of onions, 3 pounds of garlic, a huge tray of blueberries and raspberries and zucchini, a few bunches of bananas, not to mention the apples, clementines, and peppers I bought elsewhere.

And this was before the G was leaving for a week. And the small things I take care of are not actually rabbits, but children.

Well, I showed those vegetables who was boss.

I made salads for two or three meals a day (yes, breakfast salad). I made zucchini chips and I made stir-fries; I roasted tomatoes and garlic; I drank glasses of water loaded with lemons or limes; I snacked on clementines and greek yogurt with berries; I chopped and sliced and diced all week long.

I am going to finish it all.

Take that.

Get it? He's Finnish.
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

February 6, 2012

– an entire week as a "single mom". Oy. I don't know how you ladies (or you single dads) do it. The G was gone on a work trip and it was just me and the wee bairns 24/7. Little kids? Needy. It's like they can't feed themselves or something.

On the plus side, there were no major meltdowns until Thursday. That bedtime ended in crying either because they missed their daddy or didn't get one of the cookies I was baking. I'm not sure which was sadder. In any case, the two older ones finally fell asleep with a picture of Daddy to keep them company in their beds and that is cuuuute.

– another week of bribery pays off! This week's prize: a new coffee mug from my beloved Starbucks.

Though you probably can't tell from the miniature picture, it's the kind you can write on, (or throw a collage around) the inner tumbler, then screw the clear outer liner over your art to protect it from the elements. Read: your children.

I'm a little concerned that it only holds 16 oz. of beverage because who only drinks that much? Maybe I'll buy two, so I can have a refill nearby.

– along the same lines, after mixing up a couple batches of chai tea, I realized tea is not coffee. It is not the same kick-in-the-pants that java provides.

The Mayo Clinic informs me that tea has about half as much caffeine as coffee, so duh. But tea has all those antioxidants and God knows I need to stave off that pesky free radical damage.

Health benefits aside, let's face it- I'm not giving up coffee. Just like I know some people won't be quitting Diet Coke, refined carbs, or smoking anytime soon. Everything's the devil if you let it be, you know?

"Moderation is the key. I just haven't figured out the moderation part yet." - Gramma Van

– Turkey Bowl Sunday. Because just the wings weren't enough. And my Gramma Kos should be proud. I made gravy all by myself and it was awesome. America contributed this fantastic cookie pie and it was Goooooooood. I highly recommend it. Especially if you're going to trick your friends into eating healthy food.

– Yay, Giants.
Beyond Ballroom Dance Company- 2012… A Review.

February 4, 2012
Last night, I saw Beyond Ballroom's new show debut at the beautiful Cowles Center. Here's what I learned…
- I have a dance crush on Scott Anderson.
- Wait. No. I have a dance crush on EVERYONE IN THE SHOW.
- Christine Hallberg wore the hottest dress in the world in "Night and Day". I will be taking donations for the purchase of it for her.
- Deanne Michael- pretty. More on that below.
- If Julie Jacobson-Kendall starts talking, you let her talk. And you let yourself be entertained.
This year's show is the best show of the company's in the last five years, in my opinion. With the quality of dancing, amazing production extras (neato video clips! funny slideshow!), great costuming (cute, ruffled jumpsuits! feathered, pink Ginger Rogers' type thing! brightly colored crinolins!) and entertaining choreography, it ranks #2, only to my fav "Dinner For Seven" from their debut season.

The show opens with "Change of Hue" where Ken Nordine's melodic voice over cool jazz is the background for some sassy color character studies by the dancers. "Green"? Hilarious. "Off-white"? She's not perfect, but she IS. Red gives Jay Larson and Julie a chance to show their mambo skillz and "Yellow" gives Christine, Julie, and Deanne something to fight and make-up about. The whole rainbow has a ton of personality and personalities.

It was the second-go for "Change of Hue" (it debuted at last season's show) and with more numbers (colors?) included, everything really fell into place. The dancers looked more comfortable (jazz "timing" would be a bit difficult to count for me) and finished this time around. Bravo!

Next up was "Matchmen", choreographed by Donna Edelstein, a look at internet dating and the interesting pairings that arise. Deanne was the featured dater, looking for love on the Interwebs. Anytime she hits the stage, I just think "Pretty". A) She's not bad to look at and B) everything she does seems effortless. Whether it's keeping up with man-on-the-go Todd Paulus, enjoying the attention of ladies'-man Charlie Hardcastle (touch his arm, I dare you), or fending off the slightly-desparate Jay Larson, she's Pretty.

I loved the opening with a few cameos (in slideshow, photo form) of local Man Dancers and thought Christine and Charlie's dance fling was hot (plus, I loved her skinny jeans). And way to go, Donna, on choreographing funny.

Last came "Night and Day", the company's tribute to classic partner dancers like Fred and Ginger. Choreographed by Scott, it took the audience through many memorable songs and dances. I will now have "Slew Foot" in my head for about a month.

Eric Hudson and Shannon Rohne (the talented amateur understudy for Michelle Hudson, who recently had a very cute baby) did a lovely Fred and Ginger number. There was the fabulous Nathan Daniels lifting (I wanted to write "hoisting", but that would imply perceived effort, of which there was none) and being dreamy with Deanne for the actual song "Night and Day". Christine grabbed Martin Pickering for a sharp and passionate Tango.

AND Meghan Anderson, daughter of Scott, danced a beautiful piece with her father that might have brought a tear to my eye. Oh, you Anderson family…

I feel like I'm missing a couple pieces, but you get the drift. It rocked. Go see it.

Shows tonight (2/4) at 8pm and Sunday (2/5) at 7pm. The Cowles Center. Minneapolis. MN.

He was there in spirit.

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