Riot and Frolic

List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

December 3, 2012

– saw two men pole-dance. 2, young-at-heart (NOT OLD) men, fully dressed in suits, swirling around a stripper pole. It was just as funny as it sounds. My face hurt from laughing so much. [insert Dad Joke: your face hurt me, too. Ba-dum-bum.]

– finally carved that pumpkin that's been sitting around. It's more of a Christmas lantern more than jack o' lantern.

not too smooky

– Zoo was the only helper I had to scoop out the pumpkin insides.

she liked scoping more than scooping

– the ladies and I made marshmallows. Meaning, the ladies dumped 2 ingredients into a bowl, played while I watched the sugar water boil, then oversaw the Kitchenaid mixer turn syrup into marshmallow fluff. It was like a tasty science experiment.

I didn't use a candy thermometer (which is highly recommended in every recipe I consulted) and it wasn't hard to figure out when the sugar mixture was done. I dripped some of the syrup off a spoon into a bowl of water periodically and waited for it to hold its shape (as opposed to disappearing). It's called the "soft ball" to "hard ball" stage.

Not that I giggled about that at all.

"they're supposed to be round" I'm told

– took ANOTHER road trip, toodling across the great state (say it with as much sarcasm as you can muster) of Wisconsin to Appleton. Where people can choose from 5 (FIVE!) different ballroom dance studios, drink coffee at a friendly, laid-back cafe (they also have amazing 7-layer bars and gelato), eat a delicious burger and pay without your wallet at McG's (and the servers are ridiculously cool), but where you have to put your pants on to eat a continental breakfast in the hotel.

it had to happen more than once

– I'm trying to do my Christmas shopping online because I know exactly what I want to get every single person, but I'm not going to go out hunting to find it. But THEN it turns out that 40% of the things I've been planning on are OUT OF STOCK. Boo. So now I have to be, like, creative. And I just saw articles on my "related posts" feed (you can't see it, it's on my blog-composing screen) that have the headlines "Should pole-dancing be an Olympic sport?" and "Pole Dancing Championship Coverage", so obviously I have to go read those and not brain-storm gift ideas.

How do you do your shopping? Black Friday craziness? Black-Friday-eve, Thanksgiving-grinches bargain-hunting? Online all the way? Cooked, baked, or crafted goodies?
For

November 30, 2012

"For" is the worst.

She looks good for having 3 kids.

She dances well for doing 9-Dance.

She moves great for being pregnant.

She sees a lot for wearing contacts.

What?

That's right. "For" doesn't make any sense. It's an excuse to do worse.

I've been trying to avoid "for" since I got pregnant for the first time and kept on dancing. Much to many people's surprise, pregnant ladies can move just as well as (or better than) the non-pregnant public.

A woman might be in good shape and then you find out she's had 3 kids and you're all like, "Whaaaaa?" Maybe mothers of 3 can even be in great shape… someday…

People can dance more than one style AND kick everyone's ass while doing it (note the amateur National Smooth Champions who also did 10-Dance and a certain Professional couple from Florida who are top 3 (or 2?) in the country in both Rhythm and Smooth).

she looks amazing for 67

There's a lot of reasons I should aim lower.

– I live in the Midwest, which is not exactly the epicenter of the dance world. Although it is the midpoint of the dance world, since the big guns are on the coasts.

– I have 3 kids.

– I'm not 22.

– I'm not wealthy, or sponsored by any wealthy people or companies.

I could make some lame goals taking these things into account. I could put an asterisk on everything I do.

"Well, I did that pretty well, but I went through labor 16 months ago, so give me a high five."

But why put an asterisk on your goals?

One year ago: My Hat is Rad.
The Get Smart Book Club Does The Princess Bride

November 29, 2012

On November 1, I threw out a book club idea suitable for lazy people, persons under house arrest, and anti-socialites based on my list of 91 books to make me smarter. Because there's no actual book club meetings, you can read at your leisure, not go outside, or actually discuss anything.

That's right. It's virtual book club, people.

But there is homework.

That's right. HOMEWORK.

you read this, right?

Directions: Use the space provided to fill in your answers. Fill in as many answers as you choose. Click on the "submit" button at the bottom of the form when you are finished. (Click here if you can't see the form below.)

Loading…

Humor me and fill out some nonsense (or non-nonsense, what have you).

Thanks to Google Docs for the seemingly-sweet hook-up on an inline form.

i also loved him in dick tracy

One year ago: Internet Cookin'. I love when I can laugh at my own writing.
Why I’m Boring

November 28, 2012

The other day I was trying to make conversation with normal people: people who do not share my field of work and don't know my kids. [Not saying that if you are a ballroom dancer or know my kids, then you are abnormal… but wait…]

And I'm terribly boring. Similar to how my life is ruined because I'm a mother [oh calm down, I'm being facetious], I can't hold a conversation… because I'm an idiot.

I've got tunnel vision when it comes to my interests, so unless you want to talk about dancing or my kids, I'm at loss. And even those make me awkward at best.

The dancing thing is a weird topic to just throw out. Grabbing a drink (in full ballroom hair and makeup) at the hotel bar after a night at the Ohio Star Ball, a guy asked us what we were dressed up for. "…ballroom dance competition…blah blah…" We start doing the small talk and asked him why he was in town. He's all like, "Work," and we're all like, "Us, too," and he's all like, "Ha, yeah… … Wait, really?"

People don't really know what to say after you told them you're a professional ballroom dancer. Awkward silence will follow. Then questions about DWTS. Which I don't watch. Because I don't have a t.v. And because I kind of hate it. [When I don't love it.]

this was a terrible idea if you knew who it was based on

Then there's my kids, who are hilarious, but if you don't know them, telling stories about them is kind of like telling people about your dreams. No one wants to hear about your dreams unless they're in them (unless you're a certain guy I know named Jeremy and then people command you to start a blog so they follow your fabulous unconscious mind).

Then there's my kids, who are exhausting, and if they're with me at a party, I am mildly sure they're going to break/spill/annihilate something, so I've got my mom-eyeballs turned on to 10. If the little ladies are at home, then I'm using my time at the party as #metime [melting into the comfiest chair I can find while eating and drinking everything in sight].

But I can make a clementine look like a candle, and therefore I'm great at a party.

One year ago: LLLL.
It’s Pomegranate Season

November 27, 2012

So let's rejoice.

Pomegranates.

That is all.

nea gets this
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

November 26, 2012

– the culmination of a lifetime of learning. A freaking epiphany after years and years of practice and education. A beautiful "light bulb" (or "gloeilamp", I suppose) moment that is going to change my life.

Not to overstate it or anything.

– realization that I have no stomach muscles whatsoever. It turns out that the disgusting-sounding formerly-pregnant-lady problem of having "diastatus rectus", or torn abdominal muscles, is REAL.

Your tranversus abdominus, the muscles that tear/separate, are often referred to as your "pelvic girdle" and are the things that make your stomach flat, keep your lower back from hurting, and stop you from peeing your pants. Plus, does handy things like MAKE YOU DANCE PROPERLY.

I thought I had a pretty strong core from dancing and picking up kids and eating Chee-tos or whatever, but it turns out I can't do anything productive with my Abs of Flab (workout video coming soon; Chee-tos not included). Sooooo, that Pilates/Bar Method/yoga kick starts today.

– road trip #56893 of this year. Stops in IL, OH, and IA. Hey, Midwest… I own you.

– the fabulous Ohio Star Ball. You know, that ballroom competition that they used to put on PBS? Yeah, that big ass competition where all the best couples in the U.S. dance. The G and I made the semi-finals in Rising Star American Smooth, but even more importantly, I don't look like a douche in any of the pictures I've seen of us dancing!

thank you for the pic, Hab!

– Mae Cake is slightly potty-trained. I dig this stage of potty-training because she still needs me to help her do things and so while I'm … waiting … I get treated to Mae Cake's Deep Thoughts.

jack handey and mae cake should be friends

– reading 3 books simultaneously. It's famine or feast over here in the reading department. How's The Princess Bride treating you? Book report assignments will be handed out later this week! Have I mentioned how I think that, while TPB is rather epic and well-written, it might not be on the same level as, say, Anna Karenina?

Which is now a movie, so guess what the next book in the Get Smart Book Club is going to be?

Crap. What have you been up to? Why did it take me two hours to write this? Did I watch an hour and a half of movie trailers in-betwixt typing? Maaaaaybe…

don't judge me, old man!
It’s Called Practice for a Reason

November 16, 2012
Recently, I found this AMAZING infographic from Zintro.com.

see it better by clicking the text link above

My ballroom dance practice sessions and I haven't been getting along lately, but this nifty picture put things in perspective a bit.

Expert Status

Thankfully, I discovered I'm an expert, according to the graphs. It'd be nice to know that after approximately 13,540 hours of deliberate practice, I'd look, or even feel, like an expert. But I don't. I wish I was more a Bill Gates example, but I'll keep working on it.

Deliberate Practice

I like that "watching an expert perform" and "teaching others" do not apply to towards your hours.
- As motivating as it is to watch a badass perform, I have never learned anything about my own dancing from it.
- Often, teaching makes you worse. There's a thing called Teacheritis that pro-am dancers get when they dance with their students all day and then practice with their professional partners. The other half of the partnership is like "Whoa, back off, buddy. I can move myself around the floor": lady teachers back-lead, man teachers over-lead. As fun as teaching dance is, it messes with your personal dancing.
It's so easy to do things you're good at and never get out of your comfort zone. But then, that wouldn't be Practice either, would it?

Similarly to how if you don't feel like an idiot when you're performing, it seems if you're not frustrated while you're practicing, you're probably not doing it right.

Poop.

Practice vs. Perfect

First of all, it's called "practice". As in:

Perform (an activity) or exercise (a skill) repeatedly or regularly in order to improve or maintain one's proficiency

Although in my fabulous mind, I unconsciously think it's "perfect". As in:

Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be

Back-weighted out of that turning lock? Not perfect! FAIL!

Didn't lower quick enough? FAIL!

Couldn't hold that arabesque? FAIL!

But no, dummy. All those mistakes are just opportunities to improve. To learn. To progress.

I'm not perfect. So I practice. [New mantra.]

What are you an expert in? How do you practice your skills? Do you practice deliberately? Or stupidly? What kind of standards do you hold for yourself?

One year ago: Motivation to Shake a Stick At. Perfect timing.
Breakfast Nastiness

November 13, 2012
Recently, I've taken to making a green smoothie for breakfast which I never thought I'd do because they sound gross.

And let's face it, they look gross, too.

i mean, it's GREEN

Oh, and smell gross.

But they don't taste too bad and they get your morning started with a crapload (E. L. James has ruined all the fun words like "crap" and "clamber" for me; I'm using it out of spite) of vitamins and nutrients and they'll keep you from eating all the Halloween candy before 10am, so, there's that.

Recipe for a Not-Bad Smoothie:
- handful of kale (or spinach or some dark, leafy green stuff; but let's face it, kale is the new black)
- a cup of your milk of choice (I'm a big fan of vanilla unsweetened almond milk, but use whatever floats your boat)
- a banana (this is the secret ingredient; if you don't use this, you're drinking a salad)
- a scoop of protein powder (it seems like every store stocks this now; I use Vi-Salus, but Target's vanilla flavor ain't bad either)
- optional add-ins: cocoa powder, peanut butter, chia seeds, granola
Throw your ingredients in a blender, in the order listed, and blend well. Then blend some more.

Tips:
- chia seeds are awesome, but soak up a lot of liquid. If you like a not-thick smoothie, add chia sparingly.
- if you use cocoa powder, you need about a tablespoon to get any chocolate flavor. Plus, you might want to add some sweetener.
- why wouldn't you add peanut butter? Peanut butter is delicious. All the time.
Try a green smoothie today. Or tomorrow. And tell me what you think.

One year ago: Learn How To Dance. And that's an order!
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

November 12, 2012

– Book Club. The ladies' version, not the online version. ***SPOILER ALERT [SORT OF]*** I had about 10 pages left of the book, and apparently, a lot happens in those 10 pages. AND apparently, in the newer versions of the book, there's an epilogue or something, because I finished that book 2 hours ago and I still have no idea what the "Buttercup's baby" part is all about.

– have you guys seen the egg-in-a-pepper on Pinterest? I finally tried it, and let me tell you…

FAIL

They doctor those images. I did it about 6 times, and the egg oozed out from under the pepper every time. Not to say that they weren't tasty. I mean, egg. Good. Pepper. Good. Just not as pretty as I wanted.

– WHAT IS SKYFALL?! I know now and I loved it. It's one of the greatest Bonds. And, yes, I've seen them all. Even all the shitty Roger Moore ones.

– the end of an era. Our CDs were officially collecting dust, so I took them to the nearest resale place and got a whopping $10 for them. $10!

sad stacks

– despite my assertations that I can't take a vitamin every day, I think I need to. I want some extra Vitamin D with the sun setting at 4pm or whatever and I think I need some extra iron. But I hate taking horse pills. Savior? Jesus. But also this neato liquid vitamin that I found.

because i'm 3 and can't swallow pills

How was your week? See any good movies lately? Read any good books? Go on a fun trip?
The Line Between Idiot and Awesome

November 9, 2012

After watching some recent footage of myself dancing, and witnessing a few Zumba classes, salsa dancers on the town, and DWTS clips, I realized most of us need to be more comfortable being idiots.

For instance, I refer to most of my dancing as "having tea": it's very proper (posture, technique, facial expression) and nice, but not very compelling.

pass the crumpets please

But have you ever watched a train wreck on the dance floor? SPELLBINDING.

You know, those people who are rocking it so hard, regardless of technique, that you can. not. stop. watching.

Sometimes I'm embarrassed for them; some of them seem to be making up for their lack of skill with loud sound effects and raised eyebrows. More often, I'm in awe. How does one shed their inhibitions and just decide to shake their ass in front of all those people?

Is it alcohol? An inflated sense of ego? Watching too much Honey Boo Boo? [shaking you by the shoulders] WHAT IS IT?! TELL ME!

I've always told my students that I'd rather have them overshoot their goal, so I can then reel them in to perfection, instead of me having to pushpushpushpushallthedamntime to get them to the finish line. Similarly,when it comes to performing, I'm now realizing that if you don't feel stupid, you're probably not doing enough.

Take Zumba for example. I've peeked in on several classes. The instructor is up there busting a move and the majority of class is sort of stepping around a little and trying to maybe catch up with the choreography kind of. Think of the CALORIE BURN you'd see if you just said "screw it" and threw your arms up and wiggled in a general imitation of the leader. Plus, you'd probably have more fun. So would everyone around you. Maybe have a drink first, then try that.

i like the bottom version better

Salsa dancers: if you're new, you're likely shy and self-conscious. And everyone can peg you as a newbie because of that. Who cares if you don't know the steps? Most guys are just thrilled to have a laaaaady (say it like a boss) to dance with, and if she knows how to follow? BONUS. I'm not saying you have to be that crazy lace-pants wearing, arm-styling-windmill, lip-licking weirdo. Just dance with your chin up and stop apologizing.

DWTS peeps and fellow ballroom nuts, you know we like to see people having fun. So, at least, can we all smile? For the dancers in the upper echalons, we like to be entertained. I want to see that dance on your FACE (hopefully in your body, too). Think you're feeling it? Like really feeeeeeeling it? I'll break it to you first: I can't see it. You need to FEEEEEEEEEEEEL IT.

Shoot, I need to feel it. Turns out when I smile pleasantly, you can't tell I'm smiling from 10 feet away. I need to open my mouth and grin from ear to f-ing ear. Have you seen my profile picture? I need to do that, like all the time. It seems embarrassing.

But it looks great.

That line between idiot and awesome is very thin. But if you want to be awesome, you have to take the chance of looking like an idiot. Go way too far into Ridiculous Land and get your Tina Sparkle (or Ken Railings) on. Be the person who a judge has to seek out to say, "I need you to scale it back a bit." Can you imagine that? WINNING.

i accept your raised eyebrow and raise you DWTS. please?

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