Riot and Frolic

Measuring the Immeasurables

September 13, 2013
You run a race: you have a time. You play a ball game: you have a score. You lift weights: you have a number.

But then you have figure skating, gymnastics, and ballroom dancing. The gains aren't measured in inches or times or home runs. The scores are based on people's opinions, not on a concrete measureable, and there is constantly controversy in the results. If you hadn't noticed, no one agrees on anything (see: politics, religion, any sports message board).

Yet, skating has compulsories, required elements, and technical judges. Gymnastics has difficulty and execution scores, required element, and hundredths of points.

(Although I DARE you to find fault in Mckayla Maroney's vault from the 2012 Olympics.)

Ballroom dancing is an art that, in its competitive form, has not yet been regulated into points and bonuses and requirements, for better or for worse. There is little to no regulation in couples "dancing down" in levels that they have, in theory, passed out of.

Even if the scoring system were perfect, I've seen people win and not feel great about it (other couples of their caliber weren't there; it felt bad; other couples were sick). I've seen people not make the final and celebrate (it felt amazing; the field was very tough; they made one cut; they got one call back; strangers cheered for them).

So how do you go to a dance competition and feel good about it?

DO NOT MAKE GOALS BASED ON PLACEMENT.
- Unless you have LITERALLY competed against EVERY SINGLE OTHER COUPLE MANY TIMES and won every single time by placing first in all dances, you may not EXPECT to win.
- It is completely random and not based on anything you have control over. You can't control if judges see you, when judges see you, how judges place you, who else shows up, or how well the other couples dance.
- The only thing you have control over is HOW YOU DANCE.
You may, however, choose certain people to put on your "hit list".
- If there is a fellow competitor who dances at the same level as you, but who you go back and forth with on scoring, or who scores slightly above you, you may have a goal to beat that person.
- You must make a specific goal (beat So-and-so in the scholarship at Wherever; win the bolero in freestyles over him; take marks off of them in finals)
- You don't have to be rational about wanting to beat this person/couple. Maybe she told you you "rock a lot of polka dots" or you heard him say "expresso" or you just think you're better than the other person. If it movtivates you to do the following, then great.
- Do the following:
Lead up to your competition or event with short-term goals (1-2 weeks) that build toward long-term goals (end at your event).
- Footwork, posture, timing, musicality, performance: these are all very broad long-term goals. If you need help setting dance goals, I suggest you buy this book. Or talk to your teacher. Duh.
- Nailing all your heel turns, keeping your eyes off the floor, listening to the music, holding your slows, and smiling are all short-term goals.
- Short-term goals can be broken into VERY MEASUREABLE actions.
"I will practice heel turns 10 minutes a day for the next month."

"3 times this week, I will have my friend watch a dance and yell at me anytime I look down."

"I will put my headphones on and practice with music 30 minutes a day until the competition."

"I will count '1 2' on each slow in my routine this week."

"I will videotape my cha-cha and watch it to make sure I am smiling the whole time on Friday."
- Write them down, check them off, move on to the next short-term one. Get closer to the long-term goal. Complete long-term goal. Get a new one. Repeat. Get better.
- At your event, your goal is not "get 1st place" (which is stupid), it is "have that awesome footwork I've practicing for 2 months."
Take videos.
- Videos suck.
- Videos are also a really obvious visual progression of your dancing. Look at your "tape" from 6 months ago. A) It's probably not as bad as you thought it was when you first watched it. B) Comparing it to your new video, you'll be surprised at far you've come.
Trust your coaches' opinions.
- Teachers and coaches CAN tell you if you've improved, and not just to feed their own ego.
Trust your feelings.
- This one sounds really lame, but if you really ignore the placements you got, and you ask yourself "Was it fun/exciting/pretty/strong/easy/awesome/blissful?" and the answer is "yes", then you're doing it right.
Talk to strangers, or let them talk to you.
- Do strangers cheer for you?
- Do people you don't know say they love your dancing?
- Boom. World rocked.
While winning is great, it's not everything. Have fun. Dance more. Eat a cookie.

Happy Friday.

Two years ago: Request for Bread, in which I make bread.
Drowning in a Sea

September 12, 2013

I've been making this "ocean waves throw" for… ever.

It's been around longer than this blog.

If I show it to you, that'll make it get done quicker, right?

Here's what it will look like:

I blame this model for my wanting to go blonde

I actually had all of these colors (except for their pretty turquoise, which I could not find in stores, which made me sad) in my stash, so technically it's a free project. I added the white because I liked the sea foam effect.

Someone is getting this for Christmas.

In 2013.

One year ago: Crochet Your Eyes Out, in which I drool over well-proportioned throws.

Two years ago: LLLL, in which there is the nicest forecast ever.
Disclaimer For Your Children

September 11, 2013
Over the last couple weeks, I've been compiling information from complaints parents have about their kids. Apparently some parents didn't get the disclaimer to their children before they owned them.

For those of you who missed this memo, here you go:
- You will resent your children.
Whether it's for 10 seconds or your entire lifetime is up to you.

It could be because they stole your youth, or your body, or your sanity, or your spontaneity, or your career, or your money, or your sexiness, or your freedom, but regardless, you need to raise a small thing to an adult thing.
- Children are stupid.
Stupid, in the sense of the word that is its definition: marked by unreasonable or careless thinking or acting.

Your kid might be smart for a 3 year old, but that doesn't mean your kid won't touch the stove while it's on, or put their shoes on the wrong feet 7 times a day, or want to take a nap because it's naptime.

You need to constantly (I am not underestimating) inform your children what will hurt, how to tell which shoe goes on which foot, or that they need to take that nap, along with an endless list of other knowledge we take for granted because our parents taught us OR because we are now instilled with common sense.
- Children are annoying.
They like to do the same thing over and over: read the same book, sing the same song, make the same action. You can play along with the positive annoyances ("I will 'Goodnight Moon' one more time… Again? Okay…") and you can shut down the negetive ones ("Don't pick your nose").

But one way or another, your children will annoy you.

There are several ways to combat annoyance:
1. say "no"
2. think on your feet ("find all the red things!" "stand on your head!")
3. say "no"
4. say "no"
5. have a sense of humor (because most of the time, it's funny)
If you are bitter about these facts, state out loud that your expectations are contrary to these, and/or inform others in a negative manner that your children's actions are surprisingly conforming to these ideas, you might need to read this disclaimer again.

One year ago: LLLL, in which I explain what a date is.

All information provided in the official Riot and Frolic site is provided for entertainment and therapeutic purposes only. Information on the official Riot and Frolic website is subject to change without prior notice but with gusto. Although every reasonable effort is made to present current and accurate information, Riot and Frolic makes no guarantees of any kind because she oftens likes to make up statistics and other facts.

Parenting, crafting, dancing, cooking, baking, fashion, gardening, and running recommendations and comments presented on the official Riot and Frolic site are solely those of Kate. They do not represent the opinions of people with whom she disagrees or of people who disagree with her.

Readers should be cautious about any and all of the above recommendations and should consider the source of any advice. Various factors, including personal or corporate ownership or sponsorship, race, gender, economic status, time of day, breakfast options, caffeination level, political leanings, and looming laudry pile, may influence or factor into this "expert's" opinion.
Coffee II

September 10, 2013
Since my coffee routine has changed up a bit in the last 2.5 years (wait, that's how long we've been hanging out?!) and sometimes people ask me how to do it, I'll share my iced coffee routine with you.

How to Make Iced Coffee (Coffee Concentrate)

You will need
- a large French press (34 oz. is my weapon of choice)
- good dark roast coffee, coarse ground (Starbuck French roast is good, but whatever you like)
- water
- time
- patience
- a pitcher
Directions:
- Put 4-5 tablespoons of coffee in the bottom of the French press. No need to be exact.
- Pour tap water over your coffee. (Some people will cry "Filtered! Filtered water, you heathen!" But I live in the city and our water is pretty great, so there.)
- Stir up the beautiful black sludge you've created, so all the grounds are saturated.
- Put the top on your French press, BUT DON'T PRESS THE PLUNGER.
- REPEAT: DO NOT DEPRESS THE HANDLE.
- Set your unfiltered, swimming, coffee grounds in a dark place to marinate for 24 hours. (You can wait less, but it's not as good.)
- After 24 hours or so have passed, you may filter the grounds by depressing the plunger.
- I like to strain the sludge out of my coffee by pouring it over a folded-many-times cheesecloth, into a funnel, into my pitcher. Otherwise, you will have a bit of sediment on the bottom.
Iced coffee tends to be more concentrated than heat-brewed, so if you drink it black and undiluted, get ready for a kick in the pants.

Most iced coffeers mix it with milk, sweetened condensed milk (for Thai coffee), half and half, or the like. You can still drink it hot (cold brewing cuts down on the acidity, making it easier on your stomach and teeth) by adding hot water and "coffee concentrate" in equal amounts.

But here's mine; ready to go in an instant:

Word.
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

September 9, 2013

– lately, since it's been hotter than usual, I've been wearing dresses ALL THE TIME. I go about my usual routine: weeding the garden, playing with the little ladies, stopping at the grocery store or Menards. You know, the "usz" (short for "usual" – how would you spell that?).

I get a lot of comments about it. Random strangers saying things from "You look nice" to "Awfully dressed up for the hardware store". My reply is always the same, "I'm sorry, but I think you have me confused with someone who wants to wear pants."

That's right. Pants-less. Love it.

– does anyone else get high from paying off bills? Sending in the "total balance due" on bills is so satisfying. Maybe this is what being an adult feels like.

…

Being an adult feels like being high? Talk amongst yourselves.

– canning. I was trying to play it cool as I quartered the heirloom variety (I really have to look what kind they are, because they are crazy-delicious and I would love to recommend them by name) along with the roma tomatoes and sent them through the food mill. But I had a huge pot of pureed tomatoes. I was pretty confident it wouldn't turn out like the first canning attempt.

After cooking it down and reducing it by half, I still got 6 jars of sauce! Still being nonchalant as I took the jars out of the water bath, I was euphoric when the first one "tink"ed. It's just such a solid indicator of success.

Again, adult = feelings related to drug useage.

– I don't use the mouse to go back and erase typos. If I see a typo five words back, I'll just delete the whole thing and re-type it.

– the little ladies picked two of the peppers from the garden. I'm a little mad, only because I have no idea what kind of pepper they are, so I have no idea what to do with them. Green, conical, long as my hand – anyone?

– I've been using this app called Cozi, mostly for its to-do list and shopping lists, but today, I was dicking around on the website that syncs with the app and they have a meal planning feature.

AND, they have a button that you can add to your bookmark bar called "Add to Cozi Meals" and if you find a recipe you like from anywhere on the web, you can save it to your recipe box on Cozi.

But here's where I lost my mind: once you save the recipe to your Cozi recipe box, you can click on that recipe and it has a button to add all the ingredients to your shopping list.

See a recipe, put it in your recipe box, put in on your meal plan, put the ingredients on your shopping list, all from one app.

IT'S LIKE PINTEREST WITH FOLLOW-THROUGH, PEOPLE.

[drops mic]

This week: bald men!
Men’s Furnishings

September 6, 2013

Boys. Men. Gentlemen.

You have a very practical job while you're on the floor. You lead, you steer, you counter-balance. No matter how artistically you do these things, you are not wearing a brightly colored, highly rhinestoned, swirly dress.

You are The Man in Black.

You are THE MAN. IN BLACK.

Be the man and suit up properly.

Happy Friday!

Two years ago: Scattered, in which I nerd out about crochet, again.
Vintage Crochet

September 5, 2013
The Pumpkin Spice Latte has reappeared and with the unofficial start of fall, here's where I geek out about crochet (which is obviously The Season Of Yarn):

A dear friend of the fam gave the little ladies this fantastic doll from the 1950s (maybe?) and an adorable train case full of aaaaaamazing doll/children clothes from the same era.

In this adorable train case, there were several very well-made crocheted sweaters. They were the impetus for this project:

But there was one cardigan among the doll clothes that I especially loved that I wanted, NEEDED, to make:

egads, it's precious

So, like most of my projects in which I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm going to make this sweater.

Here's what I've done so far:
1. found some yarn and a hook
2. counted the stitches on the first row (nearest the neck)
3. made a corresponding chain and first row of stitches
4. counted the stitches on the second row
5. …
Yeah, I'm not saying I'm DONE or anything, but I'm confident. And confidence is half the battle… Or winning is. (Winning is half the battle? That really seems like the whole battle. The battle is half the war? Now I'm losing confidence…)

I was most intrigued by the lacy body of the vintage piece:

google found it for me

After a pretty random Google search ("diamond mesh crochet stitch"), I came upon the Lover's Knot pattern. Score!

I wanted to start work on it right away because all of the doll clothes have seen a lot of love, but the crochet is coming apart in many places.

you're welcome

And I want to marry these buttonholes: so classy, so easy.

just a DC and a shell? come on!

Have I nerded out about crocheting enough for you? Or would you like me to throw some more jargon at you?

Yarn over.

Pull loop through.

Half double.

WIP.

Frog.

I'll stop. It's too sexy.

KNOWING! Knowing is half the battle.

I mean, duh, everyone.
The No-Screaming Rule

September 4, 2013

I'm not a helicopter parent. Our house is not child-proofed. When we go grocery shopping, there is at least one little lady standing in the cart. I have, on regular occasions, given my small children hard candies.

But here's where I draw the line: no screaming.

Children screaming is my worst nightmare. Literally.

I have NEVER had the kind of nightmares that I do since I've had children. "Waking up heaving and sobbing from the vicious violence that lies in my unconscious" kind of nightmares. The kind can't even describe, they're THAT awful.

You know, BAD. "Bad enough not to print on the Internet" kind of bad.

I also suffer from irrational, conscious fears, like "the driver of that car 50 yards away will somehow lose control and crash into our front yard, so we'd better play in the backyard" kind of fears.

So when I hear a kid screaming, whether it's my own or someone else's, I'm transported to fight-to-flight mode in a frighteningly short amount of time.

Fortunately (?), I prepare to attack. I don't need a phone booth or anything, but I immediately start looking for heavy objects to swing. I run scenarios of what might be happening so I can counter with some brilliant child-saving strategy. I, of course, start yelling, as I run to the source.

Me: WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT HAPPENED? WHO'S SCREAMING?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

V: Oh hey, Mom, we are just playing a game called Princess Tickle Monster and the Princess Tickle Monster is chasing us and we are running away.

Me: Why are you screaming?

V: [speaking slowly for emphasis] Because Princess Tickle Monster is chasing us.

Me: [breathing heavily] Okay.

Then I try to chill after fearing the worst and preparing to fight terrorists, aliens, and other villians and go back to folding laundry or whatever.

Does anyone else get this?

Two years ago: LLLL, in which I pass on traits to my children.

[Note: I started this entry right after the Boston Marathon and could only now finish it with some humor and not sounding completely crazy. Yay for less than completely crazy!]
Coffee Snobbery

September 3, 2013

Hello, my name is Kate and I'm a coffee snob.

I didn't see it coming.

A couple years ago, I'd go out to breakfast with my dad and he had a very narrow list of places we could go, places whose coffee he had deemed worthy. It seemed ridiculous. "Dad, they have DONUTS. Who cares about their coffee?" [collective gasp]

These were the days I indulged in gas station cappuccinos and McDonald's introduced McCafe and I had a 20 year old, 12 cup Coffeemate coffeemaker and it was all caffeinated and it was all delicious.

But then a couple weeks ago, I got into an argument on whether Starbucks and McDonald's had the same quality of coffee on Instagram. INSTAGRAM, people: the highly popular photography social media platform that exudes optimism and a supportive environment. That's where I chose to get all CAPS LOCK on some guy who said Starbucks overcharges since "you can get the same thing at McDonald's."

…

Besides the fact that this guy would probably give lauds to the ol' SB for their amazing employee benefits package yet hates everything good in life, HE'S WRONG.

Check it: McDonald's small iced coffee (16 oz.) does have coffee and cream in it, but it also has a slew of emulsifiers (which makes it easier to water their coffee down). Not to mention that it has about 40 less milligrams of caffeine than a SB iced coffee, which means IT HAS LESS COFFEE IN IT.

Not the same.

I'm not all "Oh, Starbucks is the greatest thing ever" because what is this contraption?

You're going to make iced coffee by making hot coffee and then adding ice? Bullshit. That's some watered down coffee, rookie.

Cold brew is where it's at, therefore you could get one of these:

A high-falutin' cold brew "system". It's top-heavy, but it makes great coffee.

Or let's get crazy and recommend one of these new-fangled babies:

That's right, my lovelies. A French press is my preferred method. Cold or hot brewed, the 100 year old routine of making slightly sludgy coffee and swearing while you clean it out is the best (and might I say, most ecologically sound) way to make your cup of joe.

If you're like "screw you, Kate – where can I BUY a great cold coffee?!" I'd frown at your discourteousness and direct you (with a particular finger) towards Dunn Bros. Coffee because their cold press is chocolatey, sweet, and smoky with nothing in it.

(But go all out and get their Iced Nirvana during their 3-5pm happy hour [it's all half off!] or go to Peace Coffee and get their similar Sweet Cream Iced Coffee)

But just in case you are feeling über-European and AWESOME, you could make psuedo-espresso (please don't say "expresso", it makes you sound like an ass… who can't read) with this adorable unit:

Similar to my ukulele obsession, owning (and overusing) a shiny Moka pot is NECESSARY. Necessary, y'all.

How do you take your coffee? Are you a total weirdo, like my husband, and not drink it? What's your stance on tea?
List of Last Week’s Labors of Love

September 2, 2013
– generally I think I'm raising intelligent children, but then I went and met the almost-3-year-old during storytime at the library who is reading and has been since he was 2… TWO! And I'm like, "shiiiioot. " But hey, I fed the kids some vegetables that day and they all know their names, so I call it a win.

– anniversary celebration:

traditional anniversary gifts, yo

while ALL THE BEVERAGES are sitting on a wood table, we went to a WOODfire grill for lunch

iron man 3 at the budget theater – what what

[not pictured: sugar. Because my fork kept getting in the way of a picture of the awesome cheesecake I got from Cafe Latte. Note: Nutella latte.]

– things I think are a racket:
- Disney princesses
- any children's cartoon franchise
- bridal shops
– GIANT SLIDE. FIVE TIMES. That's reason enough to have children. "Well, you're not tall enough to ride it alone, so I'll have to go with you." I did it for the children.

this is my favorite thing at the fair every year

– not to mention the milking barn, fake ice skating, butterfly room, merry-go-round, group karaoke, and eating of everything. STATE FAIR!

Mae Cake has been enamored with the idea of ice skating for over a year, so when we saw the "no-ice skating", we were in. After buying a 10 minute increment of ice time for her and V, a darling young man working the booth [he was seriously adorable and fantastic at his job] and I laced up their skates and handed them the walkers. Mae Cake hated it almost immediately and started crying. After 4 minutes had gone by, she sobbingly came over to where I was. I picked her up over the boards and told her she did a great job and she starts crying harder and tells me to put her back on the ice because SHE'S NOT DONE. Another lap around the ice had at least 3 random people cheering for her, while she was crying, yet determined to finish.

V, on the other hand, took one lap around and gave the walker to one of the men working and said "I don't need this anymore." He raised his eyebrow, but off she went.

The bookend ladies totally dug the butterfly room this year, a big improvement from last year where V squealed and cried and ZooZoo escaped by being contained in the stroller outside. Mama also managed to BE BRAVE and let butterflies land ON HER HANDS AND LEGS WITHOUT SCREAMING. ZooZoo wanted to take hers home and was displeased when that couldn't happen. [Mae Cake is not pictured because she pretty much hated this, too.]

mae cake's moment of glory

did we get to the fair at 6am? why yes we did!

– new songs on the 'lele:
- Ho Hey by The Lumineers
- Once Upon a Dream
- I Just Can't Wait to be King
- Dream a Little Dream of Me
I mean, obviously, right?

– want to go on a dance cruise? We're fun, you're fun, let's have fun together.

– if you follow my Instagram feed (over there on the right), you'll see we've been having quite the harvest this summer. We have a billion tomatoes, along with a couple of ninja zucchinis that I swear weren't even there 2 days ago. In other words, canning starts tomorrow.

– every night after dinner, if the ladies have eaten all their "real food" and haven't driven me crazy, I give them a treat. It might be a cookie, or brownie, but sometimes it's yogurt with peanut butter stirred in, or raspberries, or a freaking graham cracker. And every night, Mae Cake literally squeals with delight and starts off the round of "thank you, Mama"s that goes around the table. So, if I balance that out with the time that they're complete turds, we can for sure call it even.

This week: men with hair. Next week: men without hair.

Two years ago: Sweet Martha's Revenge, in which I have resolve.

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