Riot and Frolic

a mostly ballroom dance, but also a bunch of other stuff, blog

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about

I own and rock people’s faces off teaching ballroom dancing at Dancers Studio in St. Paul, MN. My husband and I compete professionally in American style and wrangle eight children in our spare time. I’ve been teaching and competing in ballroom dancing for over 25 years and have lots of opinions on it. I am an expert by any means, but there are quite a few dancers who are better than me and I have a solid knowledge of basic technique, so suck it.

  • Holy Sh!t, It’s Summer Vacation

    This is the first year where "summer vacation" actually means a break from the usual.  Since .5 of the kids were in school, there is a definite change coming to our routine.

    I'm not scared.

    Well, not much.

    And because I'm insane, I made a few things to prepare:

    A) vintage-cute dresses.

    girls' Dottie Angel frocks

    Once they find an outfit they like, they wear it every day until I make them throw it in the laundry, so I'm just trying to have less laundry here.

    I used a pattern and I even re-learned how to sew on a curve (and how to use elastic to make gathers and how to use bias tape to finish a seam real nice).  The pattern is Simplicity 8101 and it coordinates with the adult Simplicity 1080 by the insanely-popular-in-the-maker-world Dottie Angel bloggess.

    B) summer books.

    summer books

    Mostly to keep them out of my room at the crack of dawn, I grabbed a couple Moleskine journals, wrote the date on the top of each page, and gave them writing prompts for each day.  Too young to read and write?  DON'T CARE.  DO IT ANYWAYS.  (Zoo mostly reads and can write if you tell her how to spell everything, so we're pretty set, but TEAMWORK).  

    There's also Math Mondays, where they get a number (up to 10,000) and then V (2nd grade) does this:

    1. write the number
    2. draw the number 
    3. add 3
    4. add 25
    5. subtract 5
    6. subtract 17
    7. write the next 3 even numbers
    8. write the next 3 odd numbers

    or this happens (K or preschool set) with little numbers:

    1. write it
    2. draw it
    3. count to it
    4. add 1
    5. subtract 1
    6. add 2
    7. subtract 2
    8. count backward from it

    And there's "Lettersday" (say it with a Scottish accent, and it totally makes sense) on Thursday where they write a letter to someone.

    Their chores written out as well.  

    With all that, I'm pretty sure they won't get stupider over the break.

    And that should give me 20 minutes of sleep, right?

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  • So You Want To Be a Pro – Part Two: The Pros

    Soyouwanttobeapro

    Here's the obvious and insanely fun thing post to write: the pros of being a pro.

    Yes, I laughed too much writing that phrase, so let's move on…

    The Pros of Being a Professional Ballroom Dancer

    1. It's glamorous.  I KNOW.  I told you last week it wasn't.  BUT when you get to walk in a ballroom all dolled up and travel the world (or at least the nation), it is glamorous.  You wear nice clothes and travel to pretty places and do interesting things and meet cool people.  Not to mention, once you pay your dues (but there are so many dues, y'all), you're expected to go shopping.  Often.  And you can.  Glamour = check.
    2. It pays well.  Most non-ballroomer people can't believe we support our family teaching ballroom dance.  "What else do you do?" they ask politely. Well, this is it.  The G works more or less 40 hours/week and I … do not and we do quite all right.  And we're not Shirley Ballas (the super bad-ass coach who works, and charges, a lot more than us).  
    3. You meet great people.  The people in the business, and the students we get to teach, are generally a super-fun, high-energy, honest, inspiring, humble, hardworking gang.  [Yeah, there's some bad eggs, but more on that in the next post.]  It is usually the highlight of my day to go to the studio and teach my students surrounded by the other pros and their students.  (Unless I see a dude commuting to work on a unicycle, then that's the highlight of my day.)
    4. You have a very specific skill set.  It's not everyday you meet a professional tree cutter, or professional movie projectionist, or a professional ballroom dancer.  You will OWN small talk and cocktail parties at non-dance functions.  Plus, recommendations come pretty easy from your friends, family, and hopefully students since you're the only pro in the field they know.  
    5. You'll be a great shape. It's not a given, but the pro ballroomer set is pretty fit.  You're fairly guaranteed on staving off Alzheimer's, heart disease, old age, and a host of other yucky things by being in the industry.
    6. It's not a 9-to-5.  No offense to ye of the regular grind, but our brand of espresso is pretty neat: there's not a lot of early morning teaching hours and your schedule is pretty flexible to fit travel and whatever into it.  I mean, you can go grocery shopping at 10am and avoid the after-work rush and that's pretty worth it right there.
    7. Your workday changes constantly.  I'm not talking about late cancellations [again, that's for next time], but going from student (beginning new guy) to student (advanced competitive couple) to your own practice (that new routine) to student (long-time social dancer) to prep (that wedding couple's first dance choreography) keeps the day from feeling like a week.  
    8. It's fun. Music, physical contact, moving.  All good.

    Next up? The cons (both the actual con artists and the negative side) of being a pro.

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  • Things That Do Not Matter

      Screen Shot 2016-06-02 at 12.40.35 PM

    • how many times you tell your small kid to "be careful". Tumblr_noiwa1JD7Z1u9zt0no1_250
    • how many cloves of garlic a recipe lists. all of the garlic
    • how much vanilla a recipe suggests.  no measuring spoons
    • how many times your snooze alarm goes off . D1e942b0902238398cb12b65ba08ade0106937a08d9f47d5f354383375ca9363
    • how many times you think about practicing, without actually doing it.Futurama-Fry
    • how many episodes of Jessica Jones you've watched versus the responsibilities you have when you haven't finished the season yet.Maxresdefault
    • what time it is when you start baking cookies, because you are making all those damn cookies.late night baking
    • how hot it is in my bedroom, I still need ALL THE BLANKETS. image from http://s3.amazonaws.com/feather-files-aviary-prod-us-east-1/98739f1160a9458db215cec49fb033ee/2016-05-29/c55a00e70c2844ecba4430fa96ba617a.png
    • how many times you check Facebook when you have real work to do. compulsive facebook

    What do you keep doing, despite of how useless/silly/procrastinaty/…awesome the consequences are?

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  • The Things They Don’t Tell You About Being Pregnant

    I've been with child over 190 weeks (by my fifth go-around, mind you) and I've come to several conclusions:

    1. Your pregnancy seems long… to everyone else.  While you are quite up to date on how far along you are, everyone else keeps asking like maybe you forgot to write it down and IT. IS. IMMINENT.  
    2. Men are more well-trained than women in how to talk to a pregnant woman. Men generally avoid eye contact with the looming abdomen and, probably because of the lack of first-hand experience, DO NOT BRING UP ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.  I am a big fan of this avoidance technique.  Really, ladies, we don't need to share our horror stories or latest terrifying baby disease tale or ANYTHING RELATED TO MY CONDITION AT ALL.  Just like the well-trained men of the world, say, "My, you look lovely.  Would you like a cookie?"
    3. Contractions are no ray of sunshine, but then there's the shaking.  Contractions get a bad rap.  Yeah, they suck, but at least they're useful.  I, and many other women to various degrees, have been more off-put by the shaking that comes before that baby comes out.  Apparently called "labor shakes" (which sounds like bonus ice cream treats for going through the whole debacle), it's a response to adrenaline, hormone shifts, and temperature fluctuations before actual birth.  They've gotten progressively worse with each kid for me and while I get closer and closer to not having an epidural (which I highly recommend – hoo! good stuff!), the uncontrollable, unstoppable, bed-shaking tremors have put me over the edge every time.  
    4. People who try to guess the gender are full of shit.  And this is coming from someone who guessed wrong for my own EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Like, they handed me my first kid WHICH I SWORE WAS GOING TO BE A BOY and announced, "It's a girl!" and I'm like, "Are you suuuurrreee?" and had to check her out myself.  But seriously, it's a 50/50 chance.  And yet people are sooooo confident.  
    5. The "9 months" timeline is also bullshit.  Yeah, yeah, if you look at a calendar, 9 months is approximately 40 weeks, but the medical profession looks at it like this:

      Month 1: weeks 1-4

      Month 2: weeks 5-8

      Month 3: weeks 9-12 

      Month 4: weeks 13-16 

      Month 5: weeks 17-20 

      Month 6: weeks 21-24 

      Month 7: weeks 25-28 

      Month 8: weeks 29-32 

      Month 9: weeks 33-36

      Month 10 [YES, TEN]: weeks 37-40

      WHUT.  

      Then how, exactly, does 40 weeks make tracking "trimesters" so appealing?  I want semesters.  And grades.   (For the record, I'd get a A+ in blood pressure and an F in getting blood drawn.)

    6. That amnesia thing is real.  We really truly forget about much of the unpleasantness of pregnancy and childbirth.  People ask me about it fairly often and I unsurely muse how I don't remember.  So, if you don't have any siblings, it might be because your mom WROTE THAT SHIT DOWN.  

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  • So You Want To Be a Pro – Part One: The Myths

    Soyouwanttobeapro

    I'm just going to throw this down in the first line: being a professional ballroom dancer means you teach ballroom dancing.  

    OF COURSE, there are exceptions, but generally speaking, if you decide to "go pro", you make your living by teaching.  Deal with it.  If you don't want to teach for a living, I suggest you do not go pro. 

    Let's start with the myths of being a professional, just to get those out of the way…

    The Myths of Being a Professional Ballroom Dancer

    1. It's glamorous.  Nay.  It sucks.  At least at the beginning.  When you start as a pro, you're at the bottom of the totem pole, you don't have any students, and therefore you don't make any money.  YET, you're still expected to dress professionally, pretend you can pay all your bills, and are totally at ease with people paying you about $100/lesson (an amount you currently can only dream about in your checking account). [It does get way better, but that's for the next post.]
    2. You're a great dancer. Maybe.  I've seen people turn pro that were total newbies, terrible amateurs, decent pro-ams, international amateur finalists, and everything in between.  Just because you now write "professional ballroom dancer" in the occupation field on your tax forms doesn't mean you're a pleasure to watch or dance with. 
    3. It's cheaper than pro-am or am-am dancing. False.  FAAAAALLLLLLSSSSSEEEE.  The stakes are raised, young Padawan, and all your cash flow still goes into your dancing.  Only now, you have to take so much more coaching, and have 4 different really nice costumes, and you have to compete way more often.  
    4. You get to dance ALL THE TIME. I'll give you this one.  But it's not as neat as you think it is. You have to bone up on all those styles that you didn't know before [if you already had some experience].   You have to get well-rounded, so you can market yourself to as many people as possible, so you can MAKE A LIVING.  

      You were a great Rhythm dancer?  Great.  Most people walking in the door of a studio couldn't care less about Mambo.  Or even East Coast Swing.  You gotta cram some Salsa and Waltz knowledge in your brain for those dozens of social and wedding dancers that are bound to ask you about lessons before that one hard-core, ultra-competitive, old-school-PBS-watching girl wants to do 100 entries in the next competition does.  

      So, yeah, you're dancing a lot, but you're doing a ton of reviewing/learning the foundation steps to each and every dance and I HOPE TO GOD YOU ARE LEARNING HOW TO TEACH. 

    5. Your dancing will get better. Eventually, yes.  But since you need to dance with everyone and their mother (who are not always striving for perfection like you are) and learn a ton of things in a short amount of time, often your dance growth will feel stagnant, if not on a downward spiral, the first few months of your professional career.
    6. It's easier to find a partner as a pro. False.  Never.  It's still a crapshoot and it's still worse than dating.

    Next up? The Pros of Going Pro.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Get it?  "Pros"? "Pro"?

    Giphy

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  • Show Me The Number

    Otherwise known as:

    How to Get Seen on the Dance Floor… the Easy Way

    Are your results all over the board?  Do you place well in small heats, but never make it to the next cut in huge heats? 

    Are you sure the judges saw your number? And the dancing that goes with it?

    But are you really sure?

    Let's make sure:

    Don't Start Right Next to the Judges

    I've seen more than a few couples think they're sooooo smart by starting up in the judges' grillz.  For Rhythm.  And they never rotate.  

    Well.  Your face is reaalllllllly pretty, but that doesn't help the judges see your number.

    Even if you start your Smooth or Standard directly in front of the panel, your stellar moves will probably be lost on the officials. Because it's too close.  TOO CLOSE.  

    image from http://s3.amazonaws.com/feather-files-aviary-prod-us-east-1/98739f1160a9458db215cec49fb033ee/2016-04-15/72013f15cb36490fa2161d666919a474.png

    like alex clare sang

    Most judges aren't so much Watching Your Dancing, as they are Getting a General Impression, especially in those first rounds.  It's hard to see the whole picture when A) they can only see your shoulders, because you're dancing so close, your lower half is blocked by their clipboard B) they can't see other people because your beautiful fat head is blocking the rest of the field.

    Make Sure Your Dances Rotate

    There's a lot of great dancing that you can do that doesn't rotate.  And sometimes you choose, or someone else chooses for you, to do a lot of that non-rotational loveliness in your competition routines.  And then these poor, over-worked, eye-strained judges try to mark you and can never see your damn number.

    Get an extra crossbody lead, natural turn, or just rotating basic in your routine to ensure some back time to the judges.

    55cbfcf02933bcef66b099fa21aba766

    Move Around

    If you are dancing in a multi-dance event, don't sit in the same square foot of the floor, or start in the same spot every time.  Choosing different (but still good) positions on the floor guarantees all the officials will see you and learn to love you.

    Stay in the Light

    Sometimes there's a dark spot on the floor.  Inevitably, the MC will say something amusing to the competitors about how they should "feel free to use the whole floor".  DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.  You might as well go dance in the supply closet in the hall if you choose to dance in that unlit black hole of unjudgeable floor space.  

    The Sweet Spot is on the Opposite Side from the Panel

    Want the judges to easily see and be able to easily mark you?  Stand directly across the floor from them, with your number to them.  Then don't do anything stupid!  Easy A!

     

    To repeat the oft-told statistic about how judges see each couple for an average of seven seconds during each dance, JUDGES SEE YOU FOR AN AVERAGE OF 7 SECONDS EACH DANCE.  

    That's about 2 boxes of American Rumba, 4 patterns in International Quickstep, and a reverse turn and change step in Waltz.  On average. 

    Make those wee measures of music count by showing your numerical identification as much as possible.

    Please.  

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  • The Get Smart Book Club: Lolita

    GSbc

    After Anna Karenina, you'd think I'd want to stay away from Russian writers a bit, but NO, I like a challenge and love dismissing controversy, so I (and at least one loyal reader) jumped into Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov.

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    WHY WHY WHY is this book so highly regarded?  

    [insert rant]

    The plot line is tragic, which in and of itself is not problematic, but when combined with pedophilia, a narcissistic, bonkers, sociopathic asshole main character, and billions of obscure references, this book left me tossing the finished novel directly into my Goodwill bag (and not set carefully onto my shelf of literary trophies like dear Anna).  It's not controversial; it's just lame.

    Ugh.  

    Seriously, Humbert Humbert is the worst.  Even worse than Anna, because he seems to think he's a pretty alright guy and loves feeling smarter than everyone around him and while he's pretty awesome at rationalizing being obsessed/in love with/torturing poor Delores, the few glimpses we actually see of her character are pretty bleak.  

    Lamenting the myriad of possibly-true references that made me feel ill-read, and The G Googled them as I listed them off.  Turns out all the stupid references [I'd relate some here, but I'm not opening that book again] are actually real references to people, places, and things.  I mean, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but if I don't understand 95% of what he's talking about, who is?  And who puts whole passages of a book in French and then doesn't have the translation for it?

    Anyways, it seemed like it was just written because it could be written.  Like Nabokov just wanted to push the envelope of literature versus erotica and since he was slightly clever about it, people clamored over themselves to congratulate him.

    Ugh.

    Anyone else have the pleasure of reading Lolita? Opinions? Disagreements? Chime in, smarties!

    Next up, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

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  • Why I Have “A Lot” of Kids

    It's come to my attention through various sources that my reproductive choices are intriguing to many.  While that is weird and invasive, let's discuss it:

    Question #1: Will you stop dancing? 

    • Yes, I think definitely this fifth time around is the time that's going to make me think twice about dancing, and teaching, and painting rooms in my house, and climbing ladders, and generally living life through 40 weeks of pregnancy and it's about time for me to put my feet up and relax… In other words, no.
    • While I'm not the breadwinner, I still make a decent amount of income while teaching ballroom, enjoy my students immensely, and am pretty good at my job, so stopping all that goodness seems ill-advised.  
    • With no health restrictions (besides not eating sushi, deli meat, and soft cheeses [which I often ignore #sorrynotsorry]), unless something hurts in a specifically babyish place more than usual, I've found no reason to stop for more than 6 weeks at a time, every time.
    • I have an excellent tool for teaching promenade position.
    • Yeah, we're never going to be national champions, professionally speaking.  But we still have made consistent progress in our own dancing (and teaching) and I'm pretty sure most coaches and officials don't think we're a terrible example of dancing.  Huzzah!

    Question #2: Why?

    • Why NOT?  I would love to hear a reasonable argument that I shouldn't.  People seem to stop thinking after asking "why".  But here's some facetious, but totally true reasons nonetheless:
    • Indentured servants.  I hate washing dishes and doing laundry.  And while we obviously have more dirty dishes and laundry with more people in our household, I don't HAVE to do it.  It's called chores, people, and they are the stuff character building, responsibility, and resentment are made of.
    • I'm totally decent at having an entourage.  I don't think I'm the best parent in the world, but The G and I are adequate at raising somewhat respectful, contributing members of society, so far.  
    • I have a very competitive nature.  Do I know successful couples with 3 kids?  Yes, lots.  Do I know successful couples with 4 kids?  Um, yes, like 1.  Do I know successful couples with 5 kids?  NOT PERSONALLY, so it is on.  I'm winning. 
    • More hasn't made a difference.  I mean, once you have a kid, you "have kids".  Having more or less hasn't made a huge difference in how we live our lives.  While finding a capable babysitter is a little more daunting, we still travel, work, go out to eat, have dates, and watch Netflix with the best of them.  We've even done some more creative things like be entrepreneurs, pro ballroom dancers, and home remodelers.

    That's really the extent of the questions I've heard, but since I opened the can of worms, you are more than free to ask any others that might be applicable.

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  • Why I’m a Bad Teacher

    I recently heard someone teaching Foxtrot to a brand-new couple.  This teacher was throwing out dance jargon and acronyms left and right.  "CBM", "using your center", and "LOD" were followed up by little to no explanation.  

    I've overhead group classes taught where, after introducing the basic step, the teacher goes on to cover swing, sway, shaping, contra-body movement, and footwork… in 45 minutes… to people who kind of just learned the basic figure.

    I've seen exercises explained pretty well, and then demonstrated pretty badly, and then performed en masse just so wrongly because the 5 techniques that lay the foundation for that one exercise weren't taught first.  

    I've heard the phrase "breaking your sides" so many times it's lost meaning, and rarely is it said with a solution on how to repair them.  

    If teaching technique is what is considered above, I definitely don't teach it.  

    In beginning classes, I use long-term horrible verbs like "push" and "pull" and really technical phrases like "come at me, bro" to get people to understand connection and weight transfer.  I rarely use the words "rise and fall" and "latin motion" in the first 10 lessons.  

    I often perform experiments on how demonstrating e-x-a-c-t-l-y what I want to see people doing goes a lot further than using a million words (which I also use anyways).  Ex.: every time I demo a Rumba basic, I push off my supporting foot as much as possible, doing very little hip and back motion to emphasize using… your… supporting foot.  Or the next time we do Rumba, I lift my free foot off the floor ever so slightly so people see the complete weight transfer.  And then the people?  They do the thing I wanted them to do without me talking about it and then we dance more and I talk less (well, at least while they're just standing around listening) and everyone is way happier.  

    "Aren't you underestimating your students?  Isn't it better to push people to learn more, faster?"  

    Thanks for asking! No, I don't feel like I'm underestimating my students.  Or anyone else's.  Considering how long it took ME to understand the phrase "move your vertical spine across the floor", with my pretty extensive movement background and a kajillion hours on the floor and how often anyone has to practice a physical skill to perfect it, I feel like I estimate people.

    Unknown

    Do I know that a lead points his foot diagonal wall on the fifth step of a reverse turn? Yes. Do I love the difference between "side and slightly forward" and "forward and slightly side"? Yes.  Can I spend 30+ minutes on doing forward walks for Smooth without looking at the clock once?  Yes.  Can I recite to you most of the The Books?  Yes.  Will I hit up all that fun stuff in due time?  Yes.

    please don't teach me to death

    Does that help newbies learn how to move themselves and someone else around the floor?  No.  Literally thousands of hours teaching the same thing to a bunch of different people has told me what works and what doesn't.  Sure, everyone may not like my style, but I can probably make you laugh with one of my horrible analogies and you'll probably come out of my class knowing something you didn't before.  

    BOOM.  Teachered.

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  • Food Crush: Leon

    Naturally fast food. 

    What?

    Duh.

    Wait, what?

    How?

    Stocking up on cookbooks at the local library, like I do, I spotted this fancy one and was intrigued. 

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    Who is Leon?  Is there such a thing as "naturally fast food" where you need actual recipes?  (I mean, can't anyone throw together a salad ?)  Why is this book so artfully fantastic?  When did food photography become an important factor in good cookbooks?  

    The book opens with an "introduction" that seems to assume we already know who Henry & Vincent & this mysterious Leon are, which leaves me even more perplexed, since I've never heard of any of them, haven't seen hide nor hair of "Book 1", and feel like I'm generally well-read in the food world.

    WELL.

    Google proved to be indispensable again and upon searching, Leon (no Frenchy pronunciation, named after John's dad) is a fairly ubiquitous London fast food eatery.  Somewhat along the average time of a wait in the Chipotle line will get you any of their fresh, local, sustainably-raised, generally-healthy food choices of POACHED EGGS in the AM (POACHED EGGS, mo fos!), moroccan meatball "hot boxes" (served with brown rice and fresh slaw), fish finger sammies, various seasonal (SEASONAL!) stews, juices, smoothies, barista-made COFFEES, and gluten-free desserts in their biodegradable packaging.  

    What the hell, England?

     

    Wondering about prices?  SO WAS I.

    My ideal breakfast (poached egg with ham & truffle gruyere, toast, and a latte) would be about $9.

    A tasty lunch (if I was starving after practice) consisting of any of their fancy hot boxes, a freshly squeezed juice, and coffee (because COFFEE, ALWAYS COFFEE) would run about $13.  Dinner might be a couple bucks more, because DESSERT. 

    And I wouldn't feel like I'm going to die two years earlier from what I just ate?  WORTH IT. 

    Then I go on to find out the founders have helped write the School Food Plan (started by my first food boyfriend, Jamie Oliver and his Food Revolution) that outlines what kids will eat in school and how they learn about food.  And they have a program that encourages young people to learn how to cook 5 savory dishes before they're 16.  

    They also have a line of pretty looking, delicious recipe books.  Of course.  

    Shut-up-and-take-my-money

    Then I lamented living in the U.S. where celebrity chefs seem disinterested in helping make healthy, real food cooler than McDonald's and where 20% of meals are eaten in a car and LET'S ALL MOVE TO ENGLAND because the exchange rate is pretty good right now.  

    But then I did some more Googling and found some hope, so I'll stay here for now and tell you all about the hopeful fast food future next week. 

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