Riot and Frolic

What Not To Do When You’re Broke and Want to Get Better

October 19, 2016
Here’s my naggy, scold-y version of how to get better:
- Expect progress to happen spontaneously. Progress isn’t elusive, but it will keep you honest. If you aren’t improving the way that you’d like, is it really your situation or is it your lack of a plan, commitment, motivation, or follow-through? Remember, there’s a whole learning curve to new things and goal setting is helpful.
- Kind of learn. Go to classes ready to learn; do not go with pre-conceived notions or a hard-headed attitude. Do not waste anyone’s time (especially yours!) by going to classes that where you don’t respect the teacher or have no interest in the dance/technique/style being presented.
- Chill. There are some things you can learn by hearing them once or twice, or watching other people do them, or thinking about them. DANCE IS NOT ONE OF THEM. No one watches LeBron shoot a few threes and then expects to be able to do it like him. You must move your body a lot to learn to dance.
- Cram. You just checked on that plan you made. It might be a competition, or a showcase, or a competition [cough, cough], or a random date on the calendar, but that deadline is coming in hot. You schedule 8 hours of extra practice time with your partner. You call up your favorite coach and book a lesson STAT. I’m not telling you not to do that, but your favorite coach isn’t going to be able to tell you anything really helpful (that will improve your dancing in a long-term, time/money-efficient way) that you can apply in the next week. So, they won’t. They’ll give you a “cheerleader” lesson, where they tell you 90% of everything looks good but you should do [this] with your arm and you missed a heel lead over there and other [minor] things. It’ll be a throw-away lesson for all of you, because your coach has so many BIG things that they want you to know, but if they tell you those things right before you perform/compete/go to that dance, you’ll be so in your head your dancing will suck. And that would be irresponsible as a teacher to do to you. And so your teacher will be sad. Sad, not to impart great info to you. Sad, to give you a sort of unnecessary lesson. Sad, because they want you to improve as much as you do.
THINK OF YOUR TEACHERS. PLAN YOUR LESSONS AHEAD.

Slower. Lamer. Expensiver. Ugh.
Tribute to the Stupid Cat

September 21, 2016

I had to put my cat down this week.

I hated that cat.

No, I'm sure I loved her, because when I brazenly called the pet hospital to make The Appointment, I started sobbing when the receptionist answered the phone. At least I can chalk it up to post-partum hormones.

OR BECAUSE SHE WAS MY FIRST BABY.

19 years ago (yes, she was living to spite me), I found her on a pick-up truck's tire in the parking lot of the health club at which I had an interview. I was not a cat person (dogs! only dogs!), but I told myself I could tolerate "it" enough to bring "it" to the humane society.

After finding a box in the club to transport "it" in, and having it tasmanian-devil itself inside of the box so much that we had to tape it shut and once we got in my car it still managed to escape and sit in my lap and oh my god don't let it scratch me while I'm driving and squee she's so cute she just yawned.

And then I kept her.

And she ate my bread crusts when I was barely an adult living my adult-ish first apartment.

She licked the top of the ice cream pint so I could feel like I shared.

She let me do voice overs for her in my single years (which I really don't recall, but have been told I did this… often).

And thanks for being highly tolerant of my children as they learned went through the "be gentle" phase.

The last few years, she probably thought her name was changed to "Stupid Cat" since she was often underfoot or sitting on the bathroom sick waiting for someone to turn on the water to a very specific pressure because GOD FORBID she drink fresh water out of her fancy cat geyser. (It must have been her getting back at me for letting my brother-in-law cat-sit her back in the day. [She hated him. Like, hated him. Hissed at him every time she saw him even though he often fed her.])

The last couple weeks she went outside (which she also hated) and she started drooling and she had a growth under her chin and she looked so damn skinny and it was getting weird and it was time.

And I put it off because her name was Chloe and I really liked her.

But I put The Call on my to-do list when I watched her struggle to get up one day and that was the beginning of the end.

I couldn't go into The Room at The End and the vet techs were so extremely nice. That Stupid Cat and I shared a moment where I swear she looked at me, cocked her head, and said, "Meorw," which I read as, "We had a good run, didn't we?"

Dammit.
Things I Forgot About New Humans

September 8, 2016
I recently took a trip to the hospital and they sent me home with ANOTHER tiny human.

It's like they think I'm qualified to handle them.

How dare they.

But, in trying to stick to a point, there's several things I've noticed the last couple weeks that seems new EVERY TIME:
1. Newborns are tiny. I have another, toddler-sized, 18 months old "baby" that I thought was rather light and pocket-sized UNTIL NOW. He is a giant. The really new baby is A FEATHER. I pick up the new peanut in her carseat and nearly knock myself over because I expect it to have about 40 pounds of child in it.
2. Baby poops are insane. I literally laughed the first time I changed her dooky diaper. It's like disgusting peanut butter and it's everywhere and there's SO MUCH OF IT. Again, since the next oldest kid is nearly potty-trained, I'm used to the regular…business. But this infant nonsense is NONSENSE. Like, it makes NO SENSE. [Sorry if I ruined peanut butter for you.]
3. Infants are funny-looking. Babies get a lot of press for being oooooohsocute and look at their widdle button noses and toeses and stuff. But have you really looked at one? Newborns are bizarre-looking. I mean, they've been wet for nine months. And often, they get squished out a tiny tunnel to enter the world. It's not a good look. My fresh ones usually need a couple weeks to fill out, get unsquished and look halfway decent.
4. Their cries are feeble. My family is…not quiet. It seems we all have a very large lung capacity and no ability to control the volume of our voices. And apparently that's a nurtured trait, for better or for worse. The young Padawan has not learned the ways of the Force.
5. They recognize the loud ass voices they've heard for nine months. Those crazy sisters came to the hospital to meet the newest addition and #5 immediately was craning around to spot the now-unmuffled chatter of The Others. And hearing The G come home after work?
6. Spit-up is body temperature. In other words, you will often not realize you're covered in it until you hear A) a splat on the floor B) stand up and relinquish the baby to someone/thing and find your shirt/pants/scarf/arm is covered in it. Good times!
7. Holding the precious new bundle will give you tennis elbow. Since I like her and she seems relatively light, I hold her a lot. But then an hour into a wedding, I feel my elbow lock up and have to switch arms and stretch out. Yeah, that's right. New babies require calisthenics and yoga.
I know you're dying to see pictures of our new offspring, but see #3 and wait a couple weeks.
Baby Essentials : What You Need When You Bring Home a Baby

July 15, 2016
If you Google "baby essentials", you're apt to find lists like this:

They are helpful. And vast. If you're having your first kid and you're celebrated with a bunch of baby showers, go all in and register for it. ALL OF IT.

But you could be a minimalist. Or on your own in Alaska away from your gang. Or live in a tiny pad.

Here's what you really need:

Baby Essentials:
- a baby – this is probably the most important part.
- a carseat – it is actually a law that your new human has to be transported away from the hospital in a car seat, and most hospitals want you to bring the carrying piece to your hospital room to buckle the baby into it and prove you have it.
- diapers – cloth, disposable, what have you, those things are definitely a necessity (I've done both and have no strong opinions either way, but look for sales)
- baby wipes – because you're gonna be wiping that butt for about two years (check out sales, or make your own)
- food – whether you breastfeed or bottle-feed, I'm pretty sure this is high on the list of essentials (again, with the sales if you're doing bottles, because that shit is expensive)
- clothes – the best thing for babies? White onesies. Cheap, cute, done.
- a bed – but maybe it's just a cardboard box? Like the Finnish do? And hell, if a box will do, why not a dresser drawer? If you ordered your diapers off Amazon, you just got a two-for-one!
- a baby toting contraption – I'm not a big fan of strollers, but one of those or a baby backpack of some kind is pretty necessary
- booger sucker – you know what I mean. The bulb syringe. 'Cause sometimes you have to get up in there. (But check it, you can get out of the hospital with at least two of them for "free".)
- swaddlers – Yes, your offspring needs a baby straitjacket. Or two. It will make your life will be better. Promise.
Now depending on the season and general weather of your region, you might need something more than onesies, but here's where I lay the smack down on the normal "baby necessities" lists:
- changing table – you probably have a couch, or a bed, but I'm sure you have a floor, and let's face it, after that baby, you can use a little exercise, so hunker down and put a blanket under the kid and get the job done without the extra furniture (although if you do buy a changing table, I hope you turn it into a bar cart when you're done with it)
- bottles, breast pump, milk bags, and breast pads – now these I'm on-board for, mostly. Bottles, duh, because you have to go out without the wee one sometime and someone else is going to feed it. Breast pump? Great, if it works for you. Milk bags? Yep, if you're a producer, store it up! Breast pads? Ugh. Probably not. Inconvenient, lumpy, and incompatible with my wardrobe.
- bouncy seat, play mat, and really anything labeled a toy – you know what kids really like? Your face. And pots and pans. And keys. And anything that they're not supposed to have. And wood blocks. You know who grew up before Baby Einstein toys? EINSTEIN.
- socks and mittens – fuck socks. Babies do not keep socks on. Baby socks are a ridiculous invention. And those mittens? You will lose one and feel terrible and will be sure your baby is going to claw its eyes out and then nothing will happen and you'll stop putting mittens on your baby.
- hats – GAH! Samesies for hats. I mean, they lay on their backs all day! How are you supposed to keep a hat on them?
- baby tub – you have a sink, right? VOILA!
- nursing pillow – I hear some people adore them, but you can't carry it around with you everywhere, so I just chalk up nursing as an arm workout
- nursing bras – I like these, but there's always unlined regular bras or sports bras that can work in a pinch.
- burp cloths and nursing covers – I just wore big scarves. It is both disgusting and discrete, respectively.
- baby shoes – see "socks and mittens"
- baby nail clippers – how exactly are they different than adult nail clippers?
- highchair – yeeeeeahhh, at some point… down the road… in about 6 months. But not right now.
Now for my goofy recommendation:
- a baby shusher - I rolled my eyes at the dear shopkeeper who recommended this three years ago. It is literally a little machine that says "sssssssshhhhhhhhhh" repeatedly. Then I was in the car a lot with baby #4 and baby #4 did not like the car and I remembered the shusher and I bought one out of desperation and I turned it on and five seconds later, baby #4 was OUT. It worked consistently enough where I've replaced that batteries twice and I buy them for all my new momma friends and I'll buy myself another one if I wear out the first one.
DISCLAIMER: Sure, if you're living the dream and have the money and the space and the constitution for it, a big flowery headband is TOTALLY NECESSARY for your little peanut. Buy 10 nursing bras and all the burp cloths in the land. Lord, if you are unaware that someone who writes a blog is writing their opinion and not facts, you should probably join the 21st century, but I'm just telling you as a mom of 4 (about to be 5, thankyouverymuch), the "essentials" are what I've really used, and all the other stuff I've not needed over the years.
Perfection in the Ballroom

July 13, 2016

My last post was received with either sighs of relief and rounds of applause or complete derision and questions of my intelligence. No, I'm not a photographer of any kind. In fact, I'm really horrible at taking dance pictures. And no, I'm not a complete a-hole who only wants to see pictures of international finalists. In fact, I love 95% of all the pictures I see on ye olde Interwebs.

In case you thought I was looking for perfection in your social media photo posts, I will post some pictures I have on my own Facebook wall:

but i love it, because my student was doing well and my face is hilarious

i am in an awkward position, but we were having fun! and again, my student was doing great

this one is _okay_ moves-wise, but then there's a slightly better one 1 second later that my photog friend took

yeah, you can't really see me, but maybe my line is prettier?

And my personal latest favs:

look at my dude doing what he's supposed to!

"that pro is not…skinny"

Since I'm not a 20-something, former rhythmic gymnast or prima ballerina with 10% body fat, I don't fit the "perfect" ballroom mold.

While five pregnancies (which is freakish enough) have not stopped me from getting on the competitive floor (both as a pro in pro/am and as a pro), my weight has fluctuated quite a bit over the last few years. I'm not the only pro who has gotten talked about behind the podium as being "too big" and getting marked down because of it. And that sucks. I completely understand that dancing is an "aesthetic sport" on the competitive circuit, but when your physical appearance (and not your skill) gets in the way of making the final or placing higher in it, that hurts.

But I've also heard the same situation about a "perfect" girl wearing the "wrong" dress.

There's always something we can do better. We can get in better shape, we can get a better dress, we can post better pictures for our friends to see, we can do a better promenade, we can paint our toenails a better color, we can deal with criticism better. Hopefully, we're always working on something, but hopefully, we're also happy with where we are, and how far we've come.

So take it all with a grain of salt, y'all.

Whether you're a ballroom newbie dancing in your first big competition or a pro dancing at Blackpool for the tenth time, nothing is perfect.

You might forget that Rumba is toe leads throughout.

You might accidentally kick your friend during a rondé.

You might fall down in front of the hot judge.

You might have gained 20 pounds since your last competition.

You might have to dance all 3 of your rounds back to back.

You might lose your hair extensions on the floor.

You might mess up that part that you've worked on all week.

You might get in a floor craft scuffle.

You might get nailed in head with an elbow from someone who always places right behind you.

Perfection is rare when there's two people working together in a constantly changing environment that they have little control over. It's not a problem. If you think about it really optimistically, it's part of the fun: trying to overcome all those challenges with aplomb. And while I wouldn't say I encourage you NOT to be perfect (because what crazy teacher says that?!), I encourage you to accept all the imperfections as a necessary part of learning in this never-ending school of dance.

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Social Media is Killing Ballroom Dancing

July 11, 2016
I see a lot of ballroom dance photos on social media. Posed photos. Action photos. Photos of amateurs. Photos of professionals. Photos taken by amateurs. Photos taken by professional photographers.

And some of the ones you post are SO BAD. Maybe it was caught at the wrong time. Maybe your friend took it and tagged you unknowingly. Or maybe you thought it was good.

But your pictures on social media are killing me.

My first instructor made me pay him money* for every bad photo he saw (this was before the interwebs and mega-digital, when there would be huge racks of printed photos at the vendor booths). No doubt I paid him a few bucks before I smartened up. Here's what I've learned:

Rules for Posting Ballroom Dance Photos on the Web

Please post it if…
1. You look good. Now you might need a little training in this area (just because you think you look just like Yulia in that picture, doesn't mean you do), but if your first impression is "I look good in this picture" that might be enough. Unless you're not very humble. Or self-deprecating enough. So let's move on…
2. You were having fun. Regardless of technique, sometimes, there is a picture that really captured your joy of movement. This often happens when there's a photographer at a social dance and you were whooping it up and not giving a rat's ass about your turn-out.
3. It was a once in a lifetime event. You're dancing your father/daughter dance, or your pro is leaving the studio, or you're retiring from competitions, or WHATEVER. If there's a real emotional bit going on, you can give the finger to the rest of my list.
Don't post it if…
1. You have two flat feet. This is never a good position to be caught in, both in motion or on camera.
2. You had to make up some kind of closed frame to face the camera. This happens often in front of a competition's backdrop for a posed pic with your partner. Both partners want to show their beautiful smiles to the camera AND be in dance frame… to prove they are dancers? Unless you're going to do a legit promenade, same foot lunge (A LEGIT ONE), or counter-promenade, it's not going to happen. Pose like you're at prom and take the damn happy picture.
3. You're looking down. There's not many moments when you can truthfully say, "I was being coy" and therefore were purposefully looking down. Again, it's not the best position to be caught in, neither in action nor on camera.
4. You're… not… quite… there. A few people look great in the middle of any movement, but for us mere mortals, if you haven't quite gotten to the end of your New Yorker or contra-check, you might have a baby dinosaur arm or a wonky head position, or it might just be so-so looking. Hopefully, the photog was a budding paparazzi and took another shot 1 beat later that you really dig.
5. It's blurry, fuzzy, or too far away. Even if you zoom in on a distant one, it isn't a great picture. And we always strive for greatness!
6. Your head is in the middle of your frame. This one is a little harder to nail down, if you're in the beginning realms, but if your head angle is parallel, or worse – acute, to your partner's, it's a bad picture.
7. Your instructor or partner looks bad. OF COURSE your instructor never looks bad, but there was that one time he really had to sneeze… And sometimes it's hard to tear your eyes away from the beauty that is yourself, but please glance at least once at that person who is holding you and make sure they look normal-ish.
8. It has a damn watermark on it. OMG, people. You're stealing. Those photographers are up earlier and stay later than you and are in the ballroom all damn day and you're going to steal a $50 MOST BEAUTIFULLY CAPTURED, PINNACLE MOMENT FROM THEM?! You just paid thousands of dollars to get that move perfected and now you're unwilling to spend the pocket change to have it documented? Boo. Hiss.
*Note: it was $10/bad picture. I'll be making invoices for all of you.
Jello/Kool-Aid Popsicles and a Whole Lot of Opinions

June 20, 2016
Ever since I can remember, I've been eating those popsicles made out of Jello and Kool-Aid. I highly covet my mom's classic Tupperware popsicle molds (which OMG I just found on Amazon). I posted about them a million years ago. And it's 90º and I'm pregnant and want to chew on ice pretty much 24/7.

So I'm talking about popsicles.

Again.

But guess what? Those "unsweetened Kool-aid drink mix" packets that all these recipes call for must have left grocery store shelves when people stopped pulling their money out of fanny packs to pay for them. And sure, there's good ol' Amazon that'll deliver 48 packs to your doorstep, but that will get here in two days and I need my quiescently frozen confection ASAP.

So, I did a little experimenting for you and got this recipe:

Jello & Kool-Aid Popsicle (the reboot)
- 1/3 cup Kool-Aid Drink Mix, sugar sweetened, in your flavor of choice
- 1/4 – 1/2 cup granulated sugar (I use 1/4 cup plus a little more because I hate measuring, sugar gives me heart burn right now and I don't like them too sweet)
- 1 box (3 oz.) Jello gelatin in your flavor of choice
- 2 cups boiling water
- 2 cups cold water
Mix first three ingredients in a large bowl or pouring thingy.

like this

2. Add in boiling water and mix until dissolved.

3. Add cold water.

4. Pour into popsicle molds.

5. Freeze.

6. Wait impatiently.

7. Eat.

I'm enjoying Cherry (Kool-Aid flavor) Lime (Jello flavor) right now.

i feel like the popsicles are photoshopped and i'm okay with that
Theme Weeks : When Everyone Ends Up Crying

June 15, 2016
In case some of you thought it was all rainbows and fairies and cupcakes around here, I thought you needed to know about this week's theme : Picnics.

Despite an unbelievable haul from the library, Picnic Week has mainly been a bust because, as you Minnesotans know, it's monsoon season here.

Two picnics (including an excursion to the St. Paul Saints berm) have been cancelled due to inclement weather. Boo. Hiss.

While the food was still great last night (Thug Kitchen's Butternut Squash Queso(ish) Dip! surprisingly cheese-like! way delicious!), it was time for a rain-check craft. We had a cool t-shirt designing kit that I had been saving for just an occasion.

Despite multiple efforts and techniques used, our t-shirts were a big FAIL and everyone ended the night crying into a bowl of M&Ms (except me! well, I didn't have the crying part, I DID have the M&M part).

Here's the theme week breakdown for the summer, if you'd like to follow along (you can check out my Pinterest board for theme weeks if you're looking for more projects):

Picnic Week
- um, picnics?
- geocaching
- books (to be listed shortly)
Rubber Band Week
- geoboard
- exploding a watermelon with rubber bands
Butterfly Week
- visit a butterfly garden
- watch Flight of the Butterflies
- books
- make butterfly pasta
Red, White, and Blue Week
- pick strawberries
- fireworks
- make pinwheels
Rain Week
- make a rain gauge
- that crazy shaving cream and food coloring rain cloud
- make a raindrop suncatcher
Color Week
- make rock candy!
- make paper spinners
- rainbow smoothies
- paint on wet glue
- Sharpie and rubbing alcohol t-shirts
Star Week
- visit the planetarium
- watch Star Wars
- constellation flashlights
Nature Week
- scavenger hunt
- nature walk bracelets
- visit the Forest History Center
Boat Week
- make boats out of egg cartons
- … origami
- … twigs
- … corks
- see the Tall Ship Festival
Flower Week
- make paper flowers
- make bubble paint hydrangeas
- make rainbow roses
Heat Week
- play with a giant ice cube
- make paper fans
- make ice cream
- visit a splash pad
Hope you're enjoying your summer!
So You Want To Be a Pro – Part Three: The Cons

June 13, 2016
Ahhhh, the glow of a new ballroom dance pro.

"I have my dream job!" they proclaim.

The magic of partner dance runs so strong with the newly payrolled. And I hate to crush dreams but

NO I LOVE TO CRUSH DREAMS :

The Cons of Being a Professional Ballroom Dancer
1. Wear and tear on your body. Generally speaking, ballroom dancing is a low-impact exercise, but doing anything 20-50 hours a week is going to wear you down, especially when you are working with a variety of levels of dancers. No offense to the amateurs of the world (obvs, 'cause you're like my bread and butter and I really do love my job), but ams are subtly hurting you. I'm not even talking about the occasion elbow to the nose/face/crotch/boob or foot getting stepped on because those are somehow expected. It's more along the lines of the heavy frame, late leads, and lack of momentum (that is totally part of the learning process and you are both working on in your respective roles!) that will wear down joints and cartilage and cause everyone to get hip replacements at 60 years old.
2. Your schedule vs. making money. Like I mentioned in the first post of this series, teaching dance is not glamorous for quite awhile, because you're not making any money at it. Of course you want to devote all your time and energy to improving your craft, but you probably also have some bills to pay. Count on not sleeping a lot when you sign on to be a pro. Grab a part-time early morning shift slinging coffee [talk about a dream job!] or filing papers or anything you can get your hands on until you're making enough in the studio to buy more than ramen for dinner.
3. Compromising situations. You mostly work one on one with your clients, meaning it feels pretty intimate to the uninitiated/insane. Often, you are a 20-something, fresh-faced sweetheart who wants to share the Love of Dance with someone who is… not 20-something and wants to share more than the Love of Dance with you. [I made it sound dirty, didn't I? It's not always dirty, but those are definitely the note-worthy ones.] Depending on how draw your boundaries, you might have a very professional teacher/student relationship or you might be friends with your ballroom babies. Either way, you will probably get sucked in to situations that are WAY BEYOND your hourly service of Teaching Dance. I've been around teachers turning into marriage/job/divorce counselors, students falling in love with their teachers, students stalking their teachers, and teachers having to fend off advances/subtle sexual harassment/gross sexual harassment (and I've had my fair share of them, too). And with the added tension of traveling with those people who involved? Yikes.
4. Paying your dues. Pro ballroomers don't have a union, but that doesn't mean you don't have to pay your dues. If you want to get anywhere good in your career, you have probably have to give up a lot of extraneous fun things… and cake. You're going to have to scramble and whore yourself out (NOT LITERALLY PLEASE) to make connections and meet people and hand out business cards and practice and learn and grab lessons and teach group classes wherever and whenever you can. Friday nights and Sundays are no longer yours, they are your business's. And even then, you're not going to be the most-booked teacher in your studio after 1 year. You're not going to make finals at any legitimate competition for longer than that. If you know you're in it for the long haul, GREAT. If you're looking for short-term success, look for a different career.
  
  best Jay-Z line ever
5. Code of conduct. There's an code of conduct when it comes to "being good": you teach your students well, you have good results at all levels, you coach with the right people (I like to call them the Ballroom Mafia – some of them you've heard of and some of them you haven't – they're all wonderful, influential, and slightly frightening), you hit the right comps, you hang with the right peeps, you're skinny as hell, and you have the right lifestyle. Some of these "rights" change from time to time, becoming a fairly elusive, implicit agreement throughout the industry. If you don't have someone to show you the ropes, you'll be at best a big fish in a little pond of your region, but never make a name for yourself nationally.
6. Sales. This bothers a lot of the newbies and clearly, you have to sell lessons and other activities to be able to teach dance for a living. And it's hard because you feel like it's a lot of money (see the first post of the series) and maybe you don't see the benefits of all the showcases and student night outs and trophy balls and competitions and crazy whosits.
7. Lawsuits. Most people won't get stuck with this one, but we live in a litigious society and when someone feels wronged, they can sue you to make themselves feel better. I've known owners who've gotten sued because Daddy's little princess didn't make the finals and lots of teachers who've gotten sued for breach of contract. Even if you don't go to court, it's still going to cost you a ton of money and no one "wins" in the end.
8. Registration. This might sound similar to sales to you, and NO OFFENSE TO AMATEURS BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST YOU, IT'S ALL OF YOU but registering for people for competitions has been the most aggravating part of my job, always. Ironically, I have been put in charge of it at three different studios because I'm "good at it", so I can't even imagine what's going on elsewhere. There's soooooo many different categories and the age groups change from comp to comp and what the hell is Open Bronze and can I be on a full package but not get tickets to that one session I'm not going to be at and I might do it but I might not even though it makes a huge difference in price to everyone who is committed and can I see everything itemized but next time I don't want to see anything itemized and I'll pay 17 days after the due date and this one takes online registration but this one doesn't so I have to mail in 72 pieces of paper and how much postage these days and there's three ladies that want the same scholarship and… *sigh*. It's not my fav.
9. Cons. Literal con artists. I alluded to this in my last post and I really respect and admire a good percentage of the pros in my field, but there are some stinkers. From being undertrained and showboating otherwise, to lack of current education, to pitching sales like tents at a music festival, to taking advantage of people's trust to overcharge them, to literally stealing money or services from people, to just being plain crazy, there are some pieces of work out there.
Wouldn't you like to know how to avoid these cons? Next time on Riot and Frolic, I'll give some hard-earned advice on how to not be an idiot (like I was) when you start out.
The Garden of Good (and Barely Any Evil): Volume 3

June 10, 2016
Four years ago, I had a wee garden.

A year later, there was an expansion. And compost!

It grew things!

Something happened last year… Probably a disaster.

This year?

We're going big time.

Last fall, The G tore up the nasty-to-shovel-snow-off and generally-horrible "patio". Then his super-cool and helpful uncles came up to ye olde Minnesota to lay a new slab [which is an insane process to watch; I think the whole thing took about 30 minutes and they just JUMP IN THE MIDDLE OF IT and it goes from looking a mess to being this gorgeous concrete* in no time].

With a new rectangular plot for the garden, there was room for a third bed and time to actually plan what the hell I was going to do with it.

I picked up an edition of Square Foot Gardening (which had great info, but I hated the dude's tone) and got busy staking out plots.

When the snow was gone and the grass was green, we built the trellis for tomatoes, sugar snap, squash plants, and other climby things. I watched this video about 10 times:

They were super easy to make and I don't hate how they look. Plus, I'm stringing solar lights between them. Festive!

Despite planting quite a few varieties from seed indoors, my over-enthusiastic garden hands (aka, children) killed off most of them by drowning them right before we were supposed to transplant them. So, the first week in May, my sister-in-law came over and helped plant from seed again. We have:
- Bibb lettuce (which is the same as Butter? Yes? No? Because we planted both…)
- Marigolds galore
- Swiss Chard
- Endive
- Romaine
- Dill
- Cilantro
- Basil
- Oregano
- Rosemary
- Stevia
- Lavendar
- Tomatoes (4 different kinds)
- Sugar Snap Peas
- Acorn Squash
- Zucchini
- Carrots
- Onions
- Brussels Sprouts
- Sweet Peppers
- Some kind of flowers
So, if any of you need any lettuce this summer, head on over. SO MUCH LETTUCE.

Each of the girls got their own pot to put whatever they wanted to in it (more on that later), and there's a "mosquito control" pot that I have as well.

We also have two blueberry bushes and one fancy-ass apple tree that are being espalier-ed (yeah, like the French do with their grape vines) to create a fence (and fruit!) on our property line.

And a bird bath.

Let's see how this goes.

*JP – Did I refer to it correctly?!

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