Riot and Frolic

This is a syllabus.

Specifically, it’s the NDCA syllabus.

And then there’s the USADance syllabus.

I’d show you the Fred Astaire Dance Studios and the Arthur Murray Dance Studios syllabus, but then I’d have to kill you.*

The important part of looking at these two wonderful guidebooks is to know you are looking at a list of elements that make up the funness that happens during a particular dance, at a particular level.

These elements are like ingredients at a grocery store.

INGREDIENTS, mind you.

NOT fully cooked meals.

If you are new to cooking, you could pick some of the most popular items at the grocery store. But after you’ve dumped bananas, bread, bottled water, milk, and eggs in a pan and served it to your mom, you realize you might have not combined these properly or maybe you’re missing some key ingredients or great ways to prepare them. Your mom smiles with raised eyebrows as she bites into the plastic of a water bottle as well as an egg shell and wonders if there’s still time to teach you how to cook.

Since you’re old enough to be unsupervised in the kitchen, you might need to put in some effort to be able to cook for years to come, or ask for help from a chef. While “reading the syllabus” (aka, the ingredient list) is a valiant feat, it differs greatly from “understanding the syllabus”. I’m sure all you dear readers, as you are reading my excellent English made up of real and imaginary words and terrible syntax, are capable of reading a recipe. But then, you still make ice cream salad when you put those ingredients together. (And not a fun way with many different ice creams in a giant bowl, but like, ice cream on top of lettuce.)

Let me describe for you my two most favoritest mixings of “the syllabus” I have heard lately.

American Bronze Tango lists “Linking Action to and from Promenade Position”.

Yes, quite. A link is like the onion of savory Tango, so necessary you barely need to list it. But that doesn’t mean you can throw a link in wherever you want to. You might be throwing a raw onion onto your empanada (the most popular food in Argentina, duh, the birthplace of Tango).

YES, I SAID “ONTO.” NOT EVEN “INTO”.

I have seen MANY would-be cooks do two walks to a link [GREAT]… and then a Closed Promenade… which does not exist on the American syllabus.

In fact, both the NDCA and USADance specifically say that Promenade [turning Left or Right: a set of directions which probably deserves its own rant] must have a timing of SSQQS.*****

Another fun result of dancing this illegal, International-style Ballroom combination in American-style Tango is that NOW YOU’RE DANCING OFF-TIME.

American Tango has sets of 8 counts that phrase beautifully to the music. If one dances the italicized patterns above, they have danced two 6-count figures (SSQQ and SQQS) and while math is not my strong suit, COOKING IS AND YOUR RAW ONION IS SITTING ON THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR SWEET, NOT SAVORY, EMPANADA AND IT TASTES BAD.

American Foxtrot lists “Simple Grapevine or Zigzag” for maximum 8 counts

I like that you read the restriction of 8 counts, but I don’t like that you don’t know how to apply it.

“I CAN DO 8. I WILL DO 8,” you say.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should, friends. Because what are you going to do at the end of your eight counts of Grapevine?

…

“Must be followed with a Closed Finish” sadly does not mean “in Closed Position”.

…

AND THIS IS WHERE THE CHEFS COME IN.

The syllabi are not written for those who are new to cooking. They are written for people who know the difference between mise en place and mirepoix, who know that measurements for vanilla and garlic are merely suggestions and not requirements, for people who can make a gourmet meal out of that aforementioned bananas, bread, eggs, and milk (with the water as a beverage).****

Let’s Cook

The elements in the syllabuseses are written as whole foods. And, just like in cooking, it’s rare that you chuck an onion, a spicy pepper, and a protein of your choice in a pan and expect a taco to come out.

One must chop that onion and pepper up or *gasp* mince it, and sauté them in fat and then add some delicious spices that weren’t even listed on the ingredient list, but one knows about BECAUSE THEY’RE A CHEF. And then they brown that delicious protein after tenderizing and marinating it and check that the whole mixture is pleasing to their finely refined palate and then they CHAR THE TORTILLAS AND SERVE IT WITH AVOCADO AND COTIJA BECAUSE THAT’S AWESOME. And then you have tacos.

IN OTHER WORDS, your 8-count Grapevine is unnecessary and actually pretty uninteresting. You could do a 4- or 6-count Grapevine that ends with half a box [Closed Change Step] and then do something much more fun like a couple Twinkles to Left Side Position to a Sway Step and then a “change of places” twice.

If you read those words and you were like, “I understand all those words. I’m going to go do that,” I WOULDN’T BE SO SURE.

There are so many fun and interesting ways AND COMPETITIVELY LEGAL WAYS to combine the Bronze and Silver figures, enhance their dynamics, and look freaking awesome while instilling a firm understanding of great movement on your own and with a partner that makes the higher proficiency levels much easier EVERYONE SHOULD BE COOKING WELL.

[If you need proof, watch Professional Closed Basic competitions, like this one.]

Like I said back here, sort of, please get yourself a chef that can read your ingredient list and chop and fold , probably whip and knead, and maybe even temper and spice a recipe that will work great for YOU.

* They’re copyrighted.

** Sometimes the grocery store is out of your favorite ingredient. If an element is not listed at a certain level, then you can’t do it at that level. Open Natural Turn isn’t listed in Bronze Waltz?! Nay, line cook, because it is not allowed in Bronze Waltz.

*** Lest you think infractions only happen only in Smooth, there are misunderstood patterns and practices across all styles.

**** It’s French Toast if you add butter and cinnamon like it’s love.

***** With a fun, implicit understanding that the last S in the basic is held with no weight.