Riot and Frolic

Yes, I have been "in the family way" often the last couple years, and while I have done some supposedly unconventional things in these precious months, here are the completely normal things I'm looking forward to doing in the near future…

1. stop doing grand plies to pick up anything off the ground.  On the plus side, I do have three small picker-upper machines at the ready, as long as it's before 9pm.
2. get dressed in a way that is befitting anyone over 3 years old. So much grunting and asking for help.  I got these kick-ass Ugg boots for Christmas that to put on, I need to lay on my back and have The G shove on my swollen, huge feet. This is how I use to put Mae Cake's boots on, minus the water retention and swearing and adding in a lot of giggling.  
3. not carry around a pen and paper to remember my name.
4. eat after 5pm.  Heartburn has been the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE for about four months.  Caffeine and sugar are slight causes, evening hours are major cuases. and I can't eat spicy food ever.  I CAN'T EAT SPICY FOOD.  Indian, Mexican, Thai restaurants of St. Paul: I MISS YOU SO.
5. do yoga.  So much yoga.  So much inversion and twisting, oh and running?  Oh, HELL YEAH, RUNNING.  Jumping and bouncing?  YES.  Let's go do gymnastics.  Come on.  
6. have a slightly more consistent mood pattern.  I know, I know, the next few months will still be a roller coaster of emotions, but we're talking the kiddie fair compared to Six Flags here, people.  I am not a crier on the regular, and yet the dude begging for money at the nearest intersection got me the other day.  "He's on hard times?… *sob*…He needs help?… *sob*… Where is my wallet?"
7. sleep on my stomach.  I don't even like to, but not being able to for months and months will make it totally worthwhile.  Take that, baby not in utero!
8. not hit myself in the belly with the car door, not knock over my students getting into dance frame, and just generally know my depth.  Not philosophically, mind you, PHYSICALLY.  
9. walk up a flight of stairs without having to try to look cool at the summit while I really want to sit down and breathe into a bag for 5 minutes.  THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN MY TORSO FOR A BABY AND LUNGS.  
10.  wear clothes that fit.  I really adore most of my preggo clothes, in the sense that they all feel like pajamas, but I'd love to put on a pair of jeans.  With, like, snaps and zippers and stuff.

Bonus: I will drink a scotch, smoke a cigarette, and eat sushi all in one sitting.