Riot and Frolic

a mostly ballroom dance, but also a bunch of other stuff, blog

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I own and rock people’s faces off teaching ballroom dancing at Dancers Studio in St. Paul, MN. My husband and I compete professionally in American style and wrangle eight children in our spare time. I’ve been teaching and competing in ballroom dancing for over 25 years and have lots of opinions on it. I am an expert by any means, but there are quite a few dancers who are better than me and I have a solid knowledge of basic technique, so suck it.

Coffee Snobbery

Hello, my name is Kate and I'm a coffee snob.

I didn't see it coming.  

A couple years ago, I'd go out to breakfast with my dad and he had a very narrow list of places we could go, places whose coffee he had deemed worthy.  It seemed ridiculous.  "Dad, they have DONUTS.  Who cares about their coffee?"  [collective gasp]

These were the days I indulged in gas station cappuccinos and McDonald's introduced McCafe and I had a 20 year old, 12 cup Coffeemate coffeemaker and it was all caffeinated and it was all delicious.

But then a couple weeks ago, I got into an argument on whether Starbucks and McDonald's had the same quality of coffee on Instagram.  INSTAGRAM, people: the highly popular photography social media platform that exudes optimism and a supportive environment.  That's where I chose to get all CAPS LOCK on some guy who said Starbucks overcharges since "you can get the same thing at McDonald's."

…

Besides the fact that this guy would probably give lauds to the ol' SB for their amazing employee benefits package yet hates everything good in life, HE'S WRONG.

Check it: McDonald's small iced coffee (16 oz.) does have coffee and cream in it, but it also has a slew of emulsifiers (which makes it easier to water their coffee down).  Not to mention that it has about 40 less milligrams of caffeine than a SB iced coffee, which means IT HAS LESS COFFEE IN IT.  

Not the same.

I'm not all "Oh, Starbucks is the greatest thing ever" because what is this contraption?

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You're going to make iced coffee by making hot coffee and then adding ice?  Bullshit.  That's some watered down coffee, rookie.

Cold brew is where it's at, therefore you could get one of these:

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A high-falutin' cold brew "system".  It's top-heavy, but it makes great coffee.

Or let's get crazy and recommend one of these new-fangled babies:

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That's right, my lovelies.  A French press is my preferred method.  Cold or hot brewed, the 100 year old routine of making slightly sludgy coffee and swearing while you clean it out is the best (and might I say, most ecologically sound) way to make your cup of joe.

If you're like "screw you, Kate – where can I BUY a great cold coffee?!" I'd frown at your discourteousness and direct you (with a particular finger) towards Dunn Bros. Coffee because their cold press is chocolatey, sweet, and smoky with nothing in it.  

(But go all out and get their Iced Nirvana during their 3-5pm happy hour [it's all half off!] or go to Peace Coffee and get their similar Sweet Cream Iced Coffee)

But just in case you are feeling über-European and AWESOME, you could make psuedo-espresso (please don't say "expresso", it makes you sound like an ass… who can't read) with this adorable unit:

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Similar to my ukulele obsession, owning (and overusing) a shiny Moka pot is NECESSARY.  Necessary, y'all.

How do you take your coffee?  Are you a total weirdo, like my husband, and not drink it?  What's your stance on tea?  

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4 responses to “Coffee Snobbery”

  1. Andi Avatar
    Andi

    I must say I am NOT a coffee fan. My mom is, my dad used to fill up his extremely tall thermos every morning when I was young of freshly brewed coffee. My brother is a dunkin donuts coffee snob, and my husband loves his old school french press. And he takes it black…blah…ha!. But recently, and I mean like two months ago I started to drink mocha drinks. But I usually ask for an extra pump of mocha to drown out that coffee taste:)

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  2. Riot and Frolic Avatar
    Riot and Frolic

    My husband does the SAME THING. He always get a raspberry mocha. It tastes like a milkshake more than a coffee.
    Black coffee is … just soooo black. Yikes. I would feel like a badass drinking that though.

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  3. bgballroom Avatar
    bgballroom

    Ha! A perfect thing to read as I sit down to my 3 pm coffee at nearly 5 pm. Drat being back to work! Funny that I just explained to a new co-worker how I started drinking coffee in a serious way. Child #1 was a night owl and we would get up at a reasonable hour like 9am and gently ease into our day. Child #2 woke up at 5:30 A-freakin’M!! And demanded to be fed (literally shaking the bars of the crib and yelling “bupper!” because all food was “supper” to her) and was rip roaring ready to start her day. It didn’t take too many days of that new routine to realize why morning coffee was invented. She is soon to be 31, is still a morning person, and although she hasn’t lived at home for years, I still have a morning coffee. The afternoon one just sorta snuck up on me sometime in the past year. I like it.
    We are a drip coffee family. Tried the french press but couldn’t get over the sludge. We usually buy a brand called Kicking Horse, roasted in the mountains in Invermere British Columbia – a nice dark roast called Kick Ass:-) Starbucks order – tall Americano with room.
    Tea – of course! English grandparents. Warm the pot first, please.

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  4. Riot and Frolic Avatar
    Riot and Frolic

    😀 Love that story.
    My 2nd cup snuck up on me also. All of a sudden, it was a thing.
    Your coffee sounds neat. I found a roast called “KGB” from a local place (founded by Russians) in CO, so of course I’m buying stock in that place soon.
    I’m trying to get into tea. I have a teapot!

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