For two years, I've been listening to my weirdo children trying to grasp the English language. Besides forever altering the way I say "oatmeal" (which is from now until eternity, "openmeal"), those kids say the darnedest things, right?
Their learning curve has made me remember a couple speed bumps I encountered on my road to linguistic awesomeness (occasional incorrect spelling of "fuchsia" aside).
Jesus:
When I was young, I read a LOT and didn't go to church. Although these things seem unrelated, they are integral to the following…
I remember being in the car with my bro and folks when I was 8 or so. The Bro did something annoying and brotherly and I said, "Geezus! Stop it!" My parents, rather shocked, chastised me. They cited not using Jesus's name in vain or something foreign and Christian.
"No, not Je-sus, Mom… Gee-zus." It was completely clear to me that I wasn't being offensive to any of my Catholic school friends (whose Lenten resolutions were often "not say 'God' so much").
Totally different word, Ma. Geezus, rhymes with Beezus from the fantastic Ramona books. Not just a phonetic way of spelling Jesus to get it in print.
Wait…
The Second Hand:
The second hand on a clock. You know the one that clicks off the seconds?
This confused me for… um… 31 years.
Yes, I was 31 years old when I figured out what the hell people meant when they said "second hand". I was looking at the clock in the studio when I was all, "Lightbulb."
Oh, duh, I knew they were talking about the one that goes around quickly, but that is the THIRD HAND. Hour hand- first. Minute hand- SECOND. Second hand- uh, third.
Well, crap. When you write it out, it's rather obvious, isn't it?
Are there any turns of phrase that confused you? Any "lightbulb" moments you'd like to share? I can't be the only one, right?
Please don't make fun of me.
Riot and Frolic 
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